One day I'll get out if this

[anotherlife]

I just need to vent a bit. I want to say that one day I will be free of him but I know that right now I feel that over the years he has worn me down so much, especially the last year when I’ve taken to feeling anxious constantly about him being here or returning home or in bed with me or having a go at me over nothing or the same with the kids. I don’t feel anything like the person I used to be and it’s only recently that I have even thought about that. He’s a complete n********, he shows every sign that I have looked up online, every trait.
But I’m not actually scared of him in some ways. I’ve let it get this bad as it’s escalated and I’ve worried too much about how it will affect the kids of we argue / fall out / he moved out / we separate. When in fact, if I could get my personality back and some confidence, they would see another side to me, who could hopefully help then through it well.
My husband buys affection, with his good salary & being able to buy them things. But he rarely shows them love.
I worry now that my son is a teenager that he could start to take on his traits & this would be awful. My daughter has always had a temper and I’m not strong enough to deal with any issues these days. Which is a bad thing as they’ll start to walk all over me if I’m not careful.
There are so many reasons to leave and I can’t think of a single one for staying. He’s bullied and accused and the other things in the last few years & tge storm has swept away any love I used to have for him.
I’m determined to get help and to get him out, then I’ll need to get things sorted & the house sold as I’ll never be able to afford it, but also, I don’t want to live in this place anymore. I will somehow find a home for us and make it ours, we don’t need expensive things. He threatened me recently with how I would struggle without him & thought he was being clever. Such a clever thing isn’t it, a man threatening the mother of his children, who has never made his life difficult. I can’t see any good in him anymore. It matters more to him what his ego can have and what others think of him.
Sorry for this rant. I just feel such despair having to be with him but I am planning my way out and have some support from a family member now, so I must try to look to the future. I know there are so many hurdles and bad times, from the posts I read on here, but I don’t deserve a life living on my nerves and scared to speak. I know staying longer has bad effects but at the moment I would crumble of he went and the kids were crying & he made my life hell so I must plan ahead.

[dustypink]

Hi,
I am feeling so similar (
Mine also has a good salary and thinks this allows him to behave like he wants
All his love towards children – sweets and toys. When he “spends” his time with them, they are watching cartoons.
I am always “bad policeman”, I don’t allow something but he allows everything. Abd if not, then just says “Mummy diesn’t allow”.
I also lost myself. I was so strong, confident, but with him step by step I have lost myself.
I don’t love him anymore, don’t like him.
I love the house we live in as made it nice and bright, but I am ready to loose it.
He threatens all the time.
I can’t just be with him, but he doesn’t move out. I am fighting back – no discussions with him, no talks, nothing! This is the way he was catching me before. I will see solicitor (detail removed by moderator), hope to get injunction order for him. I can’t physically stay with him anymore (

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