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    • #40510
      Nova
      Participant

      I’m ultra nervous, I’m going on a flight  (removed by moderator) though atm its triggering me BIG
      time…I know I should focus on her, but its the first flight alone I’ve taken since whenever…and he is looming over me.

      I am not a keen flier anyway, but Ive had SO many bad experiences with him at airports and flying…that is ingrained atm, I cant just forget it, like turning off a switch. He’d get drunk, shout, leave me standing, laugh at me, while scared, on board, at take off (obviously cause he was next to me making me feel 1000 times worse) ignore me on board, go out of his way to be bl**dy difficult! any opportunity, leching at the stewardess on board, craning his neck if an attractive woman walked past his radar. He’d take films of take off and show me, during the flight me in total panic mode!!point out mountain ranges deliberately talk about how silly I was how he LOVED flying.. and once bought me a paperback for the flight..on the first page, was a plane crash!

      I could go on but I’m making myself feel worse, I’m sweating panicky feel totally sick, dizzy have a headache, feel like not going. I need help! these things just come along when your least expecting them don’t they? I’m angry & upset..that this is happening as a result of him the effects they can have is crazy making! no one would get it!..I was looking forward to it, praying that after this first time …I’ll be ok on the return and forever more! Think of me ladies I need positivity to surround me atm.
      cxx

    • #40511
      iwillbeok
      Participant

      Hi Cuppa! Have you tried Rescue Remedy? I highly recommend it. It comes in a variety of forms – perhaps the pastilles would be best for flying. You could suck on one while doing some anxiety breathing methods, while taking off and landing? Perhaps without him there to rile you up you may find it not so daunting after a while? I hope so anyway.

      Focus on your end destination. Try and distract yourself with a magazine/book/movie? Take something you can fidget with? And don’t forget to breath! 🙂

      Happy flying! x

    • #40512
      Serenity
      Participant

      Ah, Cuppa.

      Firstly, well done for going beyond your comfort zone. You will feel so proud of yourself once you’ve done it. There will be no stopping you!

      Focus on relaxation techniques during the journey, and treat yourself to those things he never ‘permitted’ you to have- take a comforting or humorous book, and order yourself a treat on board!

      You won’t have him as an irritating and unsettling presence. You can focus on positive things- calming techniques, and nice conversation with other people on board.

      The high street chemist does some good ‘rescue remedies’- inhaler oils and other things to help you to calm your nerves. I used some when my anxiety was at its worst. They do help. They are aromatherapeutic/ homeopathic.

      Good luck- and enjoy your time with your (removed by moderator). But yourself some self-congratulatory champagne when you get there! 🍸

    • #40513
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks v much I had forgot about that remedy…I’ll try it…I’m going to get some calms…just this nervousness…yes a rubber band I need for my wrist! …scared and feel stupid I know its another hurdle and hoping it will be all ok….but thats life after an abusive relationship…I feel alone I suppose
      & upset because of my recent past. trauma is tough and appears in many different forms doesn’t it!

      have to be brave thanks again

      cx

    • #40586
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks Serenity!
      I arrived …I was a bit uptight..but hey ho…life after abuse…goes all over the place.!

      Hugs xC

    • #40591
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Amazing Cuppa, you should feel very proud of yourself! 🙋 xx

    • #40598
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks PP!
      I’ve been awake a bit tmulling stuff over, and trying not to tell my sister the whole picture, she’d be angry and it would spoil our time together, so have to tread lightly…you know ladies, how it goes, being selective and trying to second guess and think ahead with answers to the usual questionS!

      All part of life after …

      I appreciate your support. Serenity I think you could have a blog/website as your so spot on with your insight and responses!

      Hugs C x

    • #40618
      Nova
      Participant

      Urg I have to post the mini rant.. ventured onto social media (yea big mistake) and saw the abuser living it up…in the sunshine n (detail removed by Moderator) where my house is..wish I hadn’t saw that …curiosity is my enemy.

      I feel so angry that he’s lording it up like he’s just landed himself a starring role…in his own movie…new hair do, Mr Confident, playing ‘the victim’all his family so sad for him, as he’s so upset (not)..by our break up taking my house.

      Forcing me into having to go to a solicitor + expense reinforcing the message that He’s all good and I’m the opposite!

      That’s the way they operate…do nothing! Which means the partner has to take action!

      Cx

    • #40619
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      If its any consolation he is left with himself. I believe abusers have 3 emotions fury, jealousy. He is who he is. And its not much. He lacks everything. He lacks honesty, kindness, goodness, empathy etc. He may have material benefits and support (from his manipulations) but underneath it all he is empty, he is hollow, he lacks any goodness. He will spend the rest of his life deceiving, wheeling and dealing. Duping others. That is his choice on how to live his life. But what a life.

      You on the other hand are kind, good, honest, have empathy and have abundant good qualities. You are not lacking in the way he is.

      If they weren’t cruel abusers I’d nearly feel sorry (not really) for them being so lacking.

    • #40645
      Nova
      Participant

      LoNC…Thanks for your words…your absolutely right, I know they are empty …I said to another lady recently…they always get the sympathy vote…people just expect women to get on with it, regardless of what is thrown at them.

      Abusers don’t come with a badge ( unfortunately!) …they would never own up to being horrible, nasty, cruel-preferring to always consider…’what’s in it for me’!

      Usually We think the opposite..what can I do for them?

      Imagine if they could just say it out loud, I’ve treated her badly, Im a freeloader, I took advantage of her, in many ways, I’m not a good honest kind reasonable person. ( you can insert whatever you like!)

      Cx

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