one of those nights

[I-Survived]

Currently sitting thinking about everything.
Some context – I have been free for (detail removed by Moderator) years and i think about it everyday and most nights. I have a loving family now i have an amazing partner and a son, but i still feel like i’m not fully here? Being physically and emotional abused i don’t think i fully can come to grips with that happened. it was normal to start with.. first few months were perfect any “normal” relationship would be. Then the controlling came into play, i wasn’t aloud a phone, friends, certain Clothes i needed to have blonde hair you know silly things? ..
If i even looked at someone it started an argument.. even being late if he was ready started a argument … ( i have massive anxiety about being late to anything now i’m always 15 minutes early to everything )
i feel helpless and useless that i cant move on? (maybe bad choice of words) i cant get every detail out of my head. I have recently gotten help but i think i’m being to negative and thinking i’m just being difficult and what i’m feeling isn’t even bad? He always told me my feeling never mattered and i wasn’t anything and that’s kinda how i’m feeling. I don’t feel like i can really talk to anyone about this.. its very new speaking about all this to anyone other than the police..
Sorry for the negative forum i just needed to rant a little part.

[Lisa]

Hi I-Survived,

Thank you for sharing with us. How are you since posting? I hope it helped to post how you are feeling, the forum is always here for you and we understand how difficult things can be.

Please do keep posting when you are able to.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[I-Survived]

Thank you for commenting.
I think sometimes to get some things of my chest helps just a bit. I’m still feeling low right now but I’m trying to cope with how I feel thank you

[Shazza]

Hi I-Survived, I’m sorry to hear that this is still having such a big impact on your life. It sounds like you have done amazingly well to get this far and to now have a loving family.
I guess the issue I’d that all that you experienced was possibly not fully dealt with and like you say is still on your mind constantly.
Are you managing to speak to a therapist or anything like that? They should be able to help you to come to terms with all that you went through.
You are not being difficult at all and your feelings are entirely valid. You have been through something that no one should have to go through.
Keep posting and reaching out x

[I-Survived]

Thank you for your comment 😊
I have a feeling all them years ago I did just put my feelings to a side and bottled everything up. I’m still waiting to talk to a therapist but hopefully it helps 🤞
I’ve always said I am a difficult person to “cope” with because that’s all I was told everyday and it’s truly stuck with me sadly x

[Author]

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