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    • #9601
      Serenity
      Participant

      I have the decree absolute now, but he is still trying to destroy and wreck what I have built up since he’s gone.

      His latest is to ignore what was agreed in (detail removed by Moderator) and to email my mother to say that the injunction is over, he will approach me if he likes, his patience is running thin, and he wants me to give him half the child benefit.

      My eldest rarely sees him now and my youngest only goes on average a couple of nights a week, yet he had told my mum that he had the kids 50/50 and is entitled to this! How can he make himself believe what is untrue, (detail removed by Moderator)?

      This latest attempt to wreck things came out of the blue, and he is very insistent. I was very shocked: the money is for the kids, and goes on the kids. I am sure he would keep it for himself.

      I began looking on line about this, to try and work out his insistence, and it is all coming together. If it is his plan long term to look after himself and to wreck me and my kids’ life, then thus could be an important weapon, since I have realised that if he claims CB, this means he could claim certain benefits ( falsely claiming he isn’t earning), he could get large tax relief, and it could affect my pension, child tax credits, benefits if I lost my job or became ill, etc.

      This is an attempt from a man who paid me nothing for (detail removed by Moderator) years for the kids, never did pay anything for anyone, who is now paying me barely anything for the kids because he is lying about his earnings ( seriously, he earns a fortune and claims nor, so I get about £1 a day per child from him).

      He’s desperate to get everything he can, and to destroy my future happiness and mine and the kids’ security. He never wanted us to gave much, and it hadn’t changed.

      Another onslaught. Why don’t they just go away and leave us alone? I would rather do without than see my kids going without. The CB is spent on them and their requirements and needs- he would keep it and continue giving them very little!

    • #9603
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Omg will they ever stop think it proves that in their eyes they have done nothing wrong.

      As you are further along the line with this than my I have no advice but I just want to show you my support.

      FS xx

    • #9606
      White Rose
      Participant

      These men are crazy.
      Even legal documentation means nothing to them. Mine has refused to follow what he signed up to and which has been rubber stamped by court and is putting his own interpretation on things. Sadly this also means his timescale too. One thing this process has taught me is patience!
      Child benefit is paid to parent which whom children live most of time. Keep a diary or mark visit days on ypur calendar as proof it’s not him.
      I bet he’s doing it as a wind up after all he’s not changed just because you’re divorced now.
      Sit tight. He’ll get bored if you don’t rise to the bait and keep living your new life not your old one. If all else fails there’s always the option to report him to fraud squad!! x*x

    • #9608
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi serenity,

      I agree with Whiterose. He is doing this to wind you up. He is trying to get a reaction. Do not take the bait. You are feeling like you do now (mind and emotions all over the place and thoughts centred on him) because you have had indirect contact with him (via your mother). He cannot get to you directly but he knows he can get into your head via your mother. He knows your mother will be his mouthpiece.

      These abusers use such similar tactics, they’re not even original. Mine too had stopped all my access to our joint money while he was filing for separation from me and then he had the cheek to look for the child benefit. Well I dismissed his ridiculous claim.

      Rule of thumb, always do the opposite to what he wants. He wants the child benefit. Well he’s not going get it. He just wants to still be in your headspace.

      Whats with these abusers, they just can’t let go of us. They just can’t let go of wanting to dominate our thoughts and our lives. They still want to control us via our emotions even though we’re separated.

      My abuser is the same, he’s still controlling me via my emotions . He’s abusing my daughter, she’s in a mess so I’m in a mess. All we can do is keep posting (getting support for ourselves) and reading the other ladies posts to maintain our strength.

    • #9611
      Serenity
      Participant

      Thanks everyone,

      It was for,ally agreed that, though the injunction was expiring, long term I wanted no contact with him.

      My mum is meant to be the third party contact for child arrangements. Not finances. He never bothers to contact her about the children- and now he contacts her about money.

      Thank goodness I followed the advice of the NSPCC and went for a contact order, as it is now in black and white what hours my children go to see him. And it isn’t much compared to the time they spend here. I don’t even think my eldest wants contact now ( I haven’t pryed – it is his choice).

      If it weren’t in black and white, he might try to lie to the Child Benefit Office. But it is clear when my youngest goes.

      If he approaches me and threatens me, I will call 101. I already have a new log number set up, as he is breaking the order by co ing onto my road. The police say I would have grounds for a harassment order if he does much more. I will log this latest event.

      They really are selfish and destructive people. But he won’t win. I will never give him the child benefit- because I am entitled, I know it goes on my kids ( it wouldn’t with him), he is ear I g packets and gives me almost nil maintenance. The kids and I deserve a comfortable life guilt-free. We’ve done nothing bad to have to suffer and struggle, and I work hard. Why should it weighted his pocket? He has masses hidden away!

      Thanks, ladies! x

    • #9640
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hi Serenity, did you do a financial order at court? If you did that he cannot do anything.

    • #9642
      Serenity
      Participant

      We had a financial order which covered that I kept the house and he was paid off with a sum of money.

      I was told that claiming child maintenance was my choice and I would need to do that independently. I have.

      My eldest child was deemed old enough to choose his contact with his dad. It is very scant and variable due to his difficult relationship with his dad.

      My youngest sees him one night one week, and a couple the next week.

      The financial order didn’t cover things such as maintenance and benefits etc- they weren’t discussed.

    • #9673
      Daisy
      Participant

      Child benefit, child tax credit or any child related premiums for any other benefit I.e Housing benefit, council tax reduction is based on who is the child’s main carer/ where is the child’s main home,
      So in you case -with you,
      If he were to claim otherwise they would contact you, so shake off his latest nonsense as just that,
      X x x

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