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Having a rough couple of days. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t stop thinking about the good times we had even though the ratio of good to bad was 50/50.
I’ve been out of the relationship for some time now and slowly the bad memories are being blurred and replaced by the good. I know this is a dangerous path to be on but I just have no idea how to stop these thoughts creeping into my head! Rationally, I know the bad times were awful… mentally, verbally and physically but they’re fading (which I know is probably a good thing) but it doesn’t help my resolve to stay away.
Anyone have any tips on how to regain the balance? I’ve been so strong up until now and promised myself it would all be left in 2016 but I can slowly feel myself slipping! I just keep telling myself this feeling will pass and taking a day at a time – other than that I’m at a total loss! x
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Hi Lost & Lonely
You might find it useful to journal the bad time. Write down the things he said, the things he did, the promises he failed to keep, the lies, the physical abuse. Write down how it made you feel at the time and the lasting impact on your well-being and your life.
It may also be useful to read about abusive men if you have not already or to jog your memory
The other thing to remember is the the ‘good times’ were part of the way he manipulated you by getting you to take the abuse. The mean and sweet cycle is how they maintain control.
Apart from these things you may want to consider where you are with other aspects of your life right now? Maybe journal the positive s you have now. Maybe consider if there are any little steps to make you happier about where you are in your life now. I think if we can be happy in the present we may be less likely to look back with rose tinted glasses.
Lightness x
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Hey Hun
Everytime i used to miss him i used to remind myself why i left , i wrote a list of what i missed and what i didnt and used to look at that, luckily my list what is disnt miss was so big i only needed to look at it twice. Never forget what he did and ask yourself why would u want a partner like that, what can he offer u? these are the questions i had to ask myself to keep myself away
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Hi Lightness, Confused123 and Serenity. Thanks so much for your replies. The list is a great idea, thank you! I’ll sit and do that tonight. I was doing so well and then I received contact from him saying he had (potentially) a serious health worry and it’s just thrown me I guess! The kind natured people that we are makes me upset to think of him alone but I also know I have to think about me too and how his behaviour was damaging my health. I’ll also take a look at Trauma Bonding too! Thanks again for all your help! x
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