Viewing 13 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #118465
      True2myself
      Participant

      I have (detail removed by moderator) and living with domestic abuse. (Detail removed by moderator) I called police… No psychical abuse but plenty emotional mental abuse. I couldn’t cope and he refused to leave and was pushing me to call police. Police spoke to us then told me not to call again cos “it’s petty” and he told me my husband loves me and the policewoman said she had to ask me domestic abuse questions but she never did. They left house. I feel so let down. I’ll never call them again. He’s recording me crying. He can do what he wants but records me.

    • #118468
      KIP.
      Participant

      This is wrong on so many levels. How do they know it’s petty when they haven’t asked you the domestic abuse questions. Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour and they haven’t even established that. They’re not doing their job properly. Can you ring the national domestic abuse helpline or your local women’s aid and email your local police and tell them what’s going on and how those police officer have badly let you down and didn’t even ask about the history of abuse. Don’t let a couple rotten apples ruin the barrel. I had a wonderful officer but also a couple who were dreadful. The domestic abuse unit are much more helpful. You know you’re living with abuse. Recording you crying is abuse.

      • #118476
        True2myself
        Participant

        He records me either audio of I’m crying or shouting and video of in in his way. He shuts down so I can’t have opinion and refuses to talk to me. He’s the opposite of what he used to be like. Old one is long gone. The policewoman said she forgot her phone is in car and that she will get other ones phone and ask but it never happened and then I was told there’s real crimes and this is petty. I’ll never call again I’ll be too scared. Husband is evil but then angel when police here, I’ve only just got courage to call them too. They wanted in their mind real crimes like murders or something. When they came in they ran back out and said there’s a proper serious crime they had to go to buy they came back again seconds later. I hate being recorded it makes me feel dumb and dirty. He has so much control. He knows if he record I’ll try stop crying

    • #118477
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi True2myself

      I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that KIP has given really good advice.

      I am so sorry to hear about the awful response you had, it must have been so upsetting for you. You could think about calling 101 and asking for the domestic abuse unit within the police, hopefully they will be more experienced and able to help you. The police have a duty to make sure you are safe so please try not to let this bad experience stop you from contacting them.

      You could also think about having a chat with a support worker using our online chat service to discuss your options.

      Please keep posting to let us know how you are,

      Lisa

      • #118480
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you. I went to police station (detail removed by moderator) after he slapped me and I’m currently waiting on social workers to investigate and now that I called police out they will contact again. It’s such a mess. I’m on my bedroom floor right now just numb. He’s saying and believing things that just aren’t true. I have noise and pressure in my head. It doesn’t stop

    • #118481
      KIP.
      Participant

      The police have powers to remove abusers. If you reported an assault they have a duty to protect you. You are reporting a pattern of behaviour and they should act. If he’s abusing you you should call 999 and leave the phone line open for them to hear you. Those calls are recorded. The police who came out should have known you’d reported an assault. Are there children involved? Is that why social services are involved?

    • #118482
      KIP.
      Participant

      Can you call on any family or friends? Can you block the door to keep him out?

      • #118483
        True2myself
        Participant

        He says (detail removed by moderator). I have (detail removed by moderator) teenage children and he’s manipulated them to disbelieve me. I’m a really quiet person and family and friends aren’t option for me sadly. Through this abuse I’ve learnt things about them. That’s a good idea for me to call as it’s happening. Thank you…. He’s abused for (detail removed by moderator) in every way except sexual. He expects to have no come back and he tells half truths like he will start the story…. She called me a name and I hit her…. He forgets why I called him names. I feel ill inside my body

      • #118484
        True2myself
        Participant

        He also told me I’ll lose my children

    • #118485
      KIP.
      Participant

      Abusers are liars. Please call the national domestic abuse helpline when you get the chance and try to contact your local women’s aid. You can secretly record his threats of its safe to do so. My ex also threatened to take my child from me. They threaten all sorts to keep us under their control. My ex also turned my children against me. They are despicable people. Keep reaching out and try your local women’s aid. There may be a duty advocacy worker who could help you and you could consider a refuge for some peace and safety. I eventually put a lock on my bedroom door. That’s no way to live x

      • #118486
        True2myself
        Participant

        What will the helpline do. (Detail removed by moderator). I can’t help if I’ve learnt things from this 😭 he’s always shut down and not talked to stop things but now he says (detail removed by moderator), he’s looking for an illness that makes him do that

    • #118487
      KIP.
      Participant

      Don’t talk to him about the abuse. Talk to people who know about abusers and can reassure you that none of this is your fault. It’s pointless talking to him or trying to change him. He will just lie some more and manipulate you and leave you more confused than ever. You need to understand in your own mind that he deliberately hurts you. He deliberately destroys your self confidence to make you more dependent on him. You need to build a support network around you completely separate from him. This forum is a good place to start so don’t tell him you’re on here. He talks nonsense. Delusional nonsense. Try to keep a secret journal of his behaviour and when you have some quiet time you can read it and you will see how his game is played. It’s not you. It’s his crazy making behaviour.

    • #118488
      KIP.
      Participant

      Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Ask your local women’s aid secretly for support. Slowly the fog of abuse will clear x you don’t need him. He’s making you ill x

      • #118491
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you yes I can barely stand up. My insides feel ill. I have woman’s aid appointment on (detail removed by moderator) but I’ve text her so might be (detail removed by moderator). He’s abused every way apart from sexual. I’m so so tired. I don’t have a bed to sleep on from the horrors that he done to me there. I’ve slept on (detail removed by moderator) floor for months and recently sofa but dog walkers me up all time so I’m back on floor whilst that thing gets the (detail removed by moderator)

    • #118496
      beachhut
      Participant

      I am so so sorry to hear of your situation. If your partner is admitting to hitting you because you called him a name then he should be arrested straight away for assault. If he starts again call 999 straight away and leave the line open for the call handler to hear what is happening. Believe me I know how you feel. He can make as many threats as he wants but take no notice of them, protect yourself and make an escape plan,. Try to stay strong and accept any help you can.

      Take care of you.

      • #118520
        True2myself
        Participant

        This has been going on over (detail removed by Moderator) and he’s admitted it to everyone. Social workers teachers, councellors…. He told me he said it to the police when they came round. He proudly admits it cos he thinks he get away with it cos he plays mental health card.. thank you for your reply I really appreciate all them

    • #118497
      GreenSapphire
      Participant

      Hi True2myself,

      The advice I’m going to give you is not advice you will receive from Women’s Aid. I believe that they don’t advocate this. This is something I did myself when I was knowingly being abused. Patricia Evans talks about this in her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship.

      What I did was take my phone and put it onto record video and tell him I was filming him on video. He did attempt to grab my phone on a couple of occasions but he would also leave the room. Yes, there were verbal altercations in this. As he has already physically abused you, I would not advise you tell him you are recording him. If you can record him recording you without you putting yourself in danger that would be beneficial for you when and if this goes to court.

      The law in the UK states that you cannot legally film another person without their consent. So, if he is filming you without your consent then he has and is breaking the law. If he has wound the police around his little finger already then perhaps having some film of him will change their mind.

      Take care my love, know that life won’t always feel or be this bad. There is light x*x

      • #118521
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you for your advice. Before bed last night he told me he’s going to stop the games and blah blah blah… I have PTSD and he makes it worse and doesn’t stop when I get him to. I can’t stand noise, even the smallest noise, I need silence, my head has noise and pressure. I haven’t watched a tv in long time cos it zaps my brain. Sorry I’m going on…. Thank you for your reply

    • #118523
      GreenSapphire
      Participant

      Have you got a pair of headphones? Try putting on some headphones and plugging yourself in to rain, nature or white noise sounds if at all possible. I’ve found it really helps to calm the mind and block out unwanted noise.

      My ex used to rip the headphones off my head, or unplug them from my device or confiscate my device. I know how hard it can be to try and get peace away from them.

      Sending hugs x

      • #118526
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you very much. I have started to listen to (detail removed by Moderator) each week with headphones and he still attacked me as I watched that… Headphones stayed in and all I could hear as it was happening was the (detail removed by Moderator)

    • #118524
      KIP.
      Participant

      It will be him who is causing your PTSD and other health problems. Until you leave him you will only be treating the symptoms and never the cause. I spent decades trying to fix a problem that was never mine.

      • #118525
        True2myself
        Participant

        Yes that’s been agreed it’s him. From the things he’s done to me. I just waiting for social work to get back to me and hopefully they tell him to leave. Police wouldn’t do it.

    • #118529
      KIP.
      Participant

      Perhaps social work can talk to the police and between them get him out. Women’s aid can help point you in the direction of legal measures. An occupation order or non molestation order x

      • #118534
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you this is really helpful. My memory is effected so I’ve typed them orders into a notepad that I use to remind me things when they ask

    • #118535
      KIP.
      Participant

      Well done. My memory is badly affected too. That’s the trauma x

      • #118623
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you. It drives me insane and it never stops and I don’t know how to explain it to doctors or support workers.

Viewing 13 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account