24th March 2016 at 4:52 pm #12175
My son and his girlfriend came round (removed by moderator) so we could exchange Easter eggs, which was nice. We chatted and it was ok, then when my son went out of the room his girlfriend asked how was his sister. I told her she hadn’t been great last week and she said said they (I think it was just him) had had some texts from her (removed by moderator) while she was at her Dad’s saying she was a bit low. I was a bit perturbed as she hadn’t said this to me and seemed to have had a good time, he’d taken her shopping. My son came back in and I mentioned it to him and he was a bit embarrassed I think and said he couldn’t remember. Basically we than had a bit of an awkward conversation about his Dad. She said that when they were last there, weeks ago, their Dad was ‘all over’ my daughter meaning he was giving her lots of attention and ignoring my son. I know it used to be the other way round. I couldn’t help myself from saying, that’s wrong, her should be able to give them both attraction, and she said it’s nice that he’s doing it. I didn’t say any more as I could feel myself being dragged into saying more than I wanted to and my son was beginning to look a bit upset and going in on himself. It’s such an emotive subject still, I found out best to not talk about him much to my children. I found myself feeling angry with her for giving me her opinions. She s between with my son for a couple of years but they are still only teenagets.
It makes me shudder right now though and feel sick to think that their Dad behaves like this, typical abuser, playing one child of against the other.
It’s worse because I’ve got no energy, from the antidepressants still, I think. I’m on week 2 of this dose and I’m hoping week 3 is bettered. I’m forgetting things and feel leaden. The anxiety is less at least.
24th March 2016 at 4:59 pm #12176
‘both attention’, not attraction
24th March 2016 at 11:15 pm #12193mixed-up mumParticipant
Hi there Eve – sorry I replied to you earlier – had a big message typed up – and my battery went and I lost it all ….Grrrr!!!
So here I am again!!
No really sure what to say to you – not really got any advice as such – but just wanted to show you some support. 🙂
That’s lovely your son came around with eggs – but it would have been nice if it had just been the 3 of you.
Mind you if he’s had this girlfriend long term then I suppose he feels she should be part of the family now too, and be included in everything you all do.
How do you get on with her, do you like her?
Do you think she would be happy to let you 3 spend time alone, or do you think she would be a bit jealous of the time he spends with you?
Do you think she’s the type who is a bit possessive, and wants him all to herself all the time?
Does he get to spend time with his own friends, and have a boys night out?
Does she go with him every time when he goes to see his dad too?
How does he get on with his dad, he seems hes a bit ‘uncomfortable’ talking about his father with you – do you think he’s still fond of his dad and doesn’t want to ‘hear bad things’ said about him? Or is it just he knows what he did – but can’t face hearing about it?
It’s difficult, cos as they get older you do feel why should I ‘shield’ them from the truth about their father – what he did/does and what he’s REALLY like – but then sometimes they just don’t want to hear it – so don’t want to talk about their father.
My son is a bit like that too – doesn’t like me saying anything too much about his dad – but then he doesn’t know why we left his dad – he was the youngest and didn’t understand as much as his older sister – and besides – I just couldn’t say to my teenage son the sexual stuff his dad had done.
To be honest, I’ve never really talked about it to anybody – its so intimate and so personal and its uncomfortable to talk about – so I don’t talk about it to anyone. (except on here)
Maybe their dad pays more attention to his daughter, and makes more fuss over her because she is younger and more easily ‘swayed’ and can still be ‘bought’ – and can then be manipulated by him??
Do you think the girlfriend was genuinely concerned about you daughter and how she was, or was she stirring up trouble – telling you stuff you didn’t know?? (about what went on at dads)
If you are still up – I’m here to chat if it will help.
26th March 2016 at 8:06 am #12257
Thanks M.U.M. Got to dash now but you asked some good questions
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