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I absolutely recently taken steps to stop my ex from constantly harassing and abusing me, and haven’t heard from him since then. I thought I may finally get a little peace. However, his mother has been constantly calling, texting and now emailing me, from different numbers/addresses. She is blaming me, telling me I was in the wrong, he is the victim not me, I am trying to ruin his life etc. She has even turned up at my door, demanding to be let in to discuss the ‘situation’ so she can sort it out properly. She even went as far as telling me I didn’t meet his needs in the bedroom. And that I am thinking only of myself and I tearing y chldrens world apart and I am a terrible mother. I am trying my best to ignore it, but it has genuinely devastated me. I realise he is her son and she is trying to help him. But I can’t cope with this on top of everything else. Should I continue to ignore her, try to reason with her, threaten police action? I just don’t know where to from here.
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Personally, I would send her an email politely advising her that you don’t not wish to discuss your relationship with her, you do not appreciate her turning up at your door and request that she refrain from contacting you in the future.
If she continues, then consider reporting her behaviour to the police. Yes, she’s going to stick up for her little precious (he’s more than likely twisted the version of events) but she is continuing his harassment of you.
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Hello. You are being harassed by proxy, in the form of his mother. I don’t know if you have read anything about ‘no contact’ and ‘grey rock’? There are some good pieces written, on line, that explain how and why these are useful methods to use when dealing with abusive people. In my experience, people like this don’t suddenly become reasonable because they are spoken to reasonably. They want what they want, and any communication from you they see as a c***k in your armour to push through and exploit to get what they want, which is why you need to stay focussed on your priorities and not consider theirs (like she’s his mum and just wants to help him). At the end of the day, she has no legal rights in this situation, thankfully, and so you don’t have to deal with her, full stop. The comments she makes to you about you as a mother and a woman are so typical, I could write the script. Watch out for a statement on your mental health, because that’s a popular one(!). Have you read Pat Craven’s book on “Living with the Dominator?” because it helps put abusive behaviour in a perspective. It helped me see what was happening to me from a more objective perspective which really benefitted me, as well as the realisation that these behaviours are commonplace among abusive people. I know it’s not easy to involve the police (it has been shown that women suffer abuse long before they are willing to make that call). Making a record with the police can be helpful because if the behaviour continues it can show that there has been a history of coercion and intimidation. Take care. xx
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I would defintley tell the police. She should know that she shouldnt be emailing you, turning up at your door etc. I can only imagine this would be exactly the same for me when i finally leave my partner. His mum would defintley try the same – blaming me, trying to contact me etc. Theyll never be able to see their “precious” sons are in the wrong
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Hi there
She really is something else!
Keep your appointment with police and share the texts and emails from her. Tell them that she’s reported you to social services as if children involved they do tend to talk to police and it will be best coming from you.
She sounds devious to the extreme sending things from multiple addresses.
You’re doing the right thing. She is definitely in the wrong so don’t worry.
Block all the numbers and email addresses she has used. If she gets another one then let police know.
Take some time to relax if you can as I’m sure this is really playing on your mind xx -
I am trying so hard to ignore her. I have another situation that I am trying to get my head around and I feel like I am just dealing with everything the wrong way, and pushing people away, and probably burying my head in the sand a little also. I just feel completely overwhelmed today and like I can’t quite catch my breath. Like someone has whipped the rug from under my feet. I am hoping tomorrow will be an easier day. And thank you for all your advice on here. It does make a difference x
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mother sounds like a nightmare and quite possibly a victim of abuse herself (long term) so she is repeating the cycle with you – her son is blameless and it’s all your fault. rubbish. get a restraining order on her if she keeps pestering you – easier to do with another woman than against an ex partner. for her to even mention the bedroom issues is beyond creepy.
remember, this is NOT your fault. you are NOT a bad mother for leaving an abusive man. You were NOT the one who “messed up” the relationship. don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise. the mother ought to hear a few things or two about her son and the fact she shows no regard for the fact he’s abusive towards other women, not her telling you what’s wrong with you – try to view it as laughable and pathetic, rather than let her get you down
the key is to end the cycle of abuse so your kids grow up knowing what healthy relationships are, not abusive ones x
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