Out of the relationship but still don’t feel free

[Anonymous]

First time posting, I have haven’t been confident enough to post untill now but have been reading and some of the posts I have read I feel like they could have been written by me. I have been free from a controlling relationship for over (detail removed by moderator) now I have previously left but always believed him and went back. This time is different the penny has dropped this time. And I can see all his behaviour for what it is. We have a child together so things are complicated if we hadn’t had a child I would block him and feel like I could have a clean break. However this isn’t the case and he is using my child in more ways to hurt me. The constant txt just haven’t stopped Everyday. Blames me guilt trips me calls me everything under the sun accuses me of being someone else. He had all the control. We had to leave but he doesn’t see it was because of his behaviour. And he doesn’t see the reason we can’t go back is because of his behaviour. He can’t understand why we can’t work it out. He has in the past repeatedly cheated on me in the past and I was so stupid to give him chance after chance. He doesn’t hear what he wants to hear so he flips or I don’t agree with he flips. In the morning I couldn’t even pluck up the courage to make a conversation with him untill I was spoken to with fear of him being in “one of his moods” I know I will never be with him again and never go back I see through every txt and action he does now. but I still feel like he is in control and finding it hard to get that confidence of control back.

[Lisa]

Hi Moon in the sky,

Thank you for sharing. It’s unfortunately very common for perpetrators to use the issue of child contact to keep in touch/ use it as an excuse for contacting you. Perpetrators don’t accept responsibility for their behaviour; they will often blame the other person for what they’re been doing. Just because you have a child together doesn’t mean that you have to put up with any harassment or ongoing abuse/ manipulation from him. Here’s a few options- you could speak to DV Assist (a specialist injunctions service) about getting a Non-Molestation Order; an injunction which would stop him from contacting you. They are on 0800 195 8699.

You might want to seek some legal advice around the child contact if he’s using this as an excuse to contact you. You could either speak to your local domestic abuse service who may be able to help you access legal advice, or you could speak to Rights of Women (0207 251 6577) who can offer free legal advice around anything to do with family law/ child contact.

Keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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