Over reacting or still controlling?

[Bubblegum]

Hi Ladies .Have not been on this site for quite a while now .Have not been with my abusive Ex for number years now .Only recent years he finally backed off moved on with someone else had child together .He no longer sees his children due to his behaviour .Over all life is more calmer now although over years it’s been extremely hard on times .One last tie he has over myself children is child maintenance.Has not payed a penny since before lockdown .I have zero contact with him his track record maintenance he pays then he does not etc .Child maintenance saying he’s still not working they have no proof .He has always worked with a new family I know he must be working .He has a drug habit so he’ll need money for that .So am I over reacting or is he still controlling CM situation ? Is this normal behaviour .I just feel even after all this time he still wants to make life difficult for me .His partner is starting university soon .Shes making out how supporting my Ex has been and what wonderful dad he is to there child .Have not felt like this upset or stressed in a long time .Really appreciate some advice off anyone .Or any helpline regards help money advice etc x

[Wiseafter]

Perhaps get some advice from Citizen’s Advice on what to do? If you have any evidence to back up what you say about knowing he is working and paying out for other things etc then pass that on. Sorry can’t be of more help but one thing to bear in mind is that this is the only bit of control he has over you so try not to let it overwhelm you, or dominate your thoughts. He will know it is stressing and upsetting you so try not to let the emotions come back. He doesn’t have power over you anymore. Remember that. Do what you can but remember your mental health, new found calm and sanity are important.

[Camel]

Hi Bubblegum

You are not over-reacting, Your ex is still controlling you. And so is his new partner. (Read up on flying monkeys.) Stop communicating with both of them. Unless you’re discussing visitation with the children you have nothing to talk about.

You really don’t need to know so much about his life. The only thing keeping you linked is your children. But it’s not up to you to chase him for child support. Go back to court and let the lawyers deal with it. They will have access to his financial information. Remember too that having a new family to support doesn’t exempt him from his obligations to your children.

Make sure you’re getting any benefits you may be entitled to while he’s not paying his share.

Do you have visitation agreed by the courts? If yes, report that he’s stopped seeing them. If not, get it set by the court.

Do you have the abuse documented in your divorce? Did you ever report his harassment? Has he ever been convicted/fined for drugs? I ask because you could stop his child visitation altogether if the courts agree it’s in the children’s best interest.

Don’t believe for a second anything his new wife tells you. She’ll be going through a version of the same hell you endured, though she might not see it yet. Pity her, if you think of her at all.

[Author]

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