29th July 2018 at 9:00 pm #62093
The past few years have been an emotional roller coaster.
Coming to terms that my marriage was abusive, and that it wasn’t my fault.
Lossing my children and so in turn my grandchildren as they sided with their father (I didn’t want them to choose either of us but of course he had to be top dog)
Recently lost my mother, my job.
I have another position but it doesn’t cover my bills, but I will be coming into so money so that should help the situation. (But I am looking into getting something else)
I have a new house and its lovely no negativity in it.
After decades of not making decisions I fell over whelmed with having to think of everything. Most of the time I am so happy but today I feel so lost.
29th July 2018 at 10:26 pm #62101White RoseParticipant
Be kind to yourself FS, you’ve had a lot of things happen recently irrespective of the past abuse.
I can relate to the decision making stress! I was a single homeowner, worked full time before I married him and I coped. My parents had taught me well! He then took over everything and made me feel totally inadequate so that when I left I still felt like that. It took time for me to regain my confidence and realise I could do this.
( Mind you one c****y email from him and I’m feeling useless again!)
I resort to lists, and lists of lists!!!, post its, I Google stuff for extra info,I phone a friend, I delay decisions till I’ve thought them through and am comfortable with them, I panic over booking my car in for service so I do it in person at the garage not over the phone, I freak out over my food shop when I look in the trolley and see things that aren’t bogofs or reduced and then it dawns on me it’s MY food MY decision, he’s not at home to criticize my purchases. I have a budget and stick to it. I say no to takeaways and use charity shops a lot. I allow a bit each month for unforseen expenditure and put it in a savings account and what’s left in December goes on a Christmas treat. Last year my treat was a new car battery and a repaired garage door 😣. Thanks Santa!
Give yourself chance. We’re all allowed off days/weeks.
Much love x*x
30th July 2018 at 6:57 am #62108
Thank you White Rose x
Your words have defiantly hit a cord with me. Just going to take time to heal and except the bad days that they will fade, we have survived so much so I can survive freedom.
31st July 2018 at 7:17 am #62133AnonymousInactive
That’s the spirit! Yes, that’s just he right way to see it. You don’t have to enjoy that bad days but you can still be at peace with yourself. Live well, est well, sleep well and give yourself the very best chance of recovery. Carry on making your lists but from those lists make smaller lists so you don’t get overwhelmed. If you have a big task to do, break it down and tackle bits of it rather than seeing it all as a huge task that must be done immediately. You’re doing great. Well done.
31st July 2018 at 10:42 pm #62170
Thank you BT, today was my last day of comfort eating after not eating enough to eating to much so I’m going take control of my life. Baby steps, I didn’t reliese how hard this part was going to be.
1st August 2018 at 8:29 am #62178SunflowersandstarsParticipant
I’ve found it difficult in the aftermath, I naively assumed once he was out of my life I would be happy, and I was for a while until it al caught up with me, I’ve had to learn to accept the bad days along with the good. You’ve shown so much strength, I remind myself this when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Do you have some friends/family to lean on for support? You’ve endured a lot and deserve love, happiness and peace around you.
1st August 2018 at 5:20 pm #62201
Thank you Sas
My brother and his wife are a great support, and I have a close friend that is also there for me. I have moved to another town and have stop contact with people there as they know my past (and may unwittingly let my ex know where I am). I have also not let my new neighbours and employer know my past.
I think the half of it is that I have come off hyper alert and all the feelings that I have had to keep under control just took hold.
I have had a day off work and as well as doing a few bits round the house, I have been for a walk and swimming. Also I have eaten healthily so hopefully I’m on the way forward.
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