Overcoming my feelings about contact

[Strube]

To those of you who’s children are forced to see their abusive fathers, how do you manage your feelings so that you make it a positive experience for your children?

My children have recently been assaulted by their father but will be forced to see him again. The decision is out of my control and I will prepare a safety plan for them.

I know our children would enjoy safe, stimulating contact with their dad but my feelings towards him and what I know he’s a pain me of fills me with such fear I have anxiety attacks.

Have you learned how to put your fears and anxiety aside and if so, how? With the probability of my ex seeing our children regularly over the next 10+ years I really need to learn to not let it affect me or I’m likely to have a breakdown.

Any advice you have would be great.

Strube x

[Strube]

He’s a pain me of should read what he’s capable of!

[Suntree]

I’d diary everything.
Every contact was done in writing.
Every agreement was held to.
Any advice I was unsure of I would get to know where I legally stood.
I made sure the school’s were aware of the contact arrangements.
I made sure that for school at least we had separate parents evenings and they gave each parent the same notes home.
School where aware of the molestation order to keep him away from me and why.
He was at this point the golden eye boy.

I made it a rule with me that we did not keep secrets. I did the what was a good secret and what was a bad secret with them.
I made a safe place for them to talk to me but left space if they didn’t want to.
I made it so they were talking about just another parent of a child in school, which allowed me to not get emotional.
I used their still vivid imagination to help them when they needed help.
Taught them about choices.

I made sure that our home was happy, with boundaries and normal as possible.

To keep me sane because I needed to be the best I could for them.
I took up a hobby, I got fit, I worked as much as I could when they weren’t with me so I could be with them as much as I could when they were with me.
I stayed at friends house a lot so I didn’t have to be in the house alone.
I went to counselling and did the freedom program.
I made sure I learnt to eat even when I wasn’t feeling hungry and put a bed time routine in so I would sleep.

I learnt to start finding out who I was again and that was quite hard.

I truly believed if I didn’t look after myself them.

[Author]

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