Overcoming urge to contact with your help.

[Eve1]

I’m very conscious that I’m on here quite a bit at the moment, but that I don’t feel up to helping anyone. I hope at some point in the future I will.

Probably because of having to be around Dad, and my brother, (there really is no choice at the moment) I have felt overwhelmed again with the urge to contact man who i ended an abusive relationship with. It’s a few months since it ended and I’m pleased with myself for staying away. But right now I just really miss that connection with someone who, it seemed, would listen and understand. Of course, it only seemed that way. He came up on fb as someone I may know and I deleted him. This is a recent thing as he was anti fb, as far as I knew. Writing on here is stopping me looking at that, at least.

I just feel so miserable, Mum is somehow still with us but we will lose her any day and I can’t be there this weekend as there is something I have to do for one of my children. Every time I am there i fake a civilised conversation with my Dad, (and use the plastic bubble protect myself) but I hate myself a bit afterwards, but it’s not for long.

I will definitely speak to CRUSE afterwards, as I know need it.

Thank you for reading and helping ladies.

Eve
xx

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Eve1, i know how you feel about wanting to contact someone when you feel sad, lonely or need comfort. I am in the same position at the moment & having to reach into every corner of my psyche to try to get over this. This overwhelming urge to contact seems to come in fits & troughs. Do you know in your heart that you won’t contact him?, that this is just a feeling and wish rather than any concrete possiblity. Most of the time if we know deep down that we won’t, then we don’t. Unless (like me) its done spur of the moment or if i’m deeply depressed. You seem to have done very well over the last few months with staying away and I think this may just be a down time due to difficulty with your dad. Well done for getting rid of the toxic rubbish despite manageing your current family difficulties, that is a great achievement. You might find in a couple of days you no longer have that urge to contact. I dumped my abuser some months ago now and have remained NC, thought I am struggling to move on psychologically. I feel reasonably confident that I will maintain NC though. X*X

[Eve1]

Thank you HA. It was a relationship that had spread over quite a few years, so the wanting to contact urge is quite hard wired. But yes I do know deep down that I won’t contact him. It’s just the emotionally difficult time I’m going through noe that’s triggering it.

I’m sorry you’re still suffering after ending your relationship. Your posts are very positive, insightful and well informed. This will surely help you as time passes.

Take care and hugs
Eve
xx

[Healthyarchive]

Thankyou Eve. It is good you won’t contact him. I think its a natural reaction in times of stress or pain to want to reach out to something or someone. I am confident I won’t reach out to my ex though I tend to reach for food, or mainly this forum at the moment. We all do this sort of thing to try to feel better. I hope that you are ok, I think every person on this forum is suffering in their own way and with their individual issues. The good thing is we are all on here getting help and recognize we are in something that is not right. X*X

[chocolatefudgecake]

I know how u feel Eve, i wana get back in contact with my ex aswell, as i still have loads of our conversations togther as they may be needed as evidence. I miss connection aswell, i sit and cry sometimes pleading out loud that he will come back and fix what he has broken.

Im really struggling i find myself talking to another guy i was seeing ages ago, he has always been my go too if the going gets tough.

[Eve1]

I actually dialled his number today. I feel wretched. Everything is just took much at the moment.

Eve
x

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Eve & Chocolatefudgecake, I just want to show some female solidarity. Last night and today I have felt so awful, really empty and lonely. I am very isolated and do not have any close relationships with anybody, family, friends or men. I am completely and utterly alone. By now, historically I would have just got another man as this is my pattern. But I realize that to do this is wrong. But I am left with what is a really lonely, empty and isolated life. I feel that I have a big whole of emptiness inside of myself. I was at the freedom programme this morning and I told them this. They helped me to identify what the actual problem is within myself. I have a really active, busy and exciting social life, but when I attend those events I don’t strike up and maintain any friendships, I am not sure if I know how to. But this I will address. What I am trying to say is that I am really struggling with loneliness and isolation but despite this, I will not contact a man who treated me like s**t and made me feel mental, and I wont get together with another man as I know i’m doing it to fill a gap which is wrong. I hope to be able to support you both on this forum so each of us can find the right way for ourselves. X*X

[Healthyarchive]

I found before when I was feeling needy, sad, desperate or triggered, I would want to contact him.
These feelings come & go, like waves. Within a few days they are less concentrated and I would no longer think about contacting him. Eve, how about deleting all of his contact details? X*X

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