Overwhelmed with thoughts

[Munchkin04]

Please can anybody tell me what you do with all the thoughts that race around in your head. All the things you have bottled up that you want to say to your partner but can’t because they won’t acknowledge or want to listen or will twist it or mimic you shut you down. Anything not to listen. I have so much going on in my head I feel unwell. I will tell him how I feel and it’s never acknowledged. His behaviour the way he is towards me the way he says things. I can’t tell him anything he won’t like the criticism or being told he’s wrong as he puts it. Yet he can tell me all the things he doesn’t like in me. What do I do with all this mess in my head please x

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Munchkin04

You have to let it out, or you will be very ill. You find your own way. He has shown you he is not interested in what you have to say, so he has shown you he’s not truly your friend. He’s not there for you.

You need to be there for yourself, prioritise your needs. Make time for you to express however you do that best, running can be a good high energy way of releasing lots of pent up whirling thoughts, so can steady walking, or even fast walking, maybe its dancing, or singing, or just going out somewhere and screaming! Screaming into a pillow? However, on a daily basis, do you have anyone you can talk to?

Keep talking here all you need, offload and spill your thoughts onto the forum. Look for answers or just do braindumps, just so you have a release.

Longer term you need your life to have some more enrichment for you, and less toxicity.

I hope you can use the forum here, where women understand what this is like, and find yourself other real world connections too.

warmest wishes

ts

[Lisa]

Hi Munchkin04,

Unfortunately, your abuser is the last person that is going to offer you any validation or empathy on how you feel. It is understandable that you would want this from him, but it is a waste of your emotional/psychological energy to expect this from the very person who is purposely bringing you down. For him to acknowledge how you feel, he would have to take responsibility for his abusive behaviour and abusers mostly never are willing to do this.

Perhaps try calling your local domestic abuse service and explain all that has been happening and how you are feeling. They can provide both emotional and practical help. They are a free service as well, so use them on-going as you need. Talking things over in detail may help you get the perspective and clarity you need to understand how best to move forward.

Also, The Freedom Programme is an 11 or 12 week rolling programme which provides information about male violence to women. This programme identifies the tactics abusers use, the beliefs held by abusers, and the effects that domestic abuse can have on women and children. The Freedom Programme is for women who have experience of domestic abuse, be it in their personal or professional lives. You can start the programme at any time, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you choose. Each session is entirely confidential, and you can contribute as much, or as little, of your own thoughts and experiences as you like. Many women find this a very useful support group as it is available to women whether they are experiencing current or past abuse. The Freedom Programme is run in many locations across the UK.

Supportline offer confidential emotional support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.

I hope this is useful to you.

Take care,

Lisa

[Bananaboat]

Journalling, keeping notes, anything to get it out of your mind and free up some space. Not only is writing it down cathartic but it helps you to see the patterns, recognise your reactions and realise a few things x

[nbumblebee]

Write it down. Set up a private email address one he cant see dont save it on your phone its a faff to log in each time but its safe. Then write it all down as if you are telling him and email it to yourself.
He wont give a s**t.
Mine has been fowl this week and tonight he has been evil and i wanted to just shout and scream and sware and just explode but he wont care and tomorrow i would feel bad about myself. So i keep quiet.
Now he is all over me cause its bedtine and yep to keep the peace i will as ever allow whatever to happen cause life is easier that way.
Miserable right?!! Ive been here over 2 decades.
But there is hope we nust hang on to that there is a way out just read posts from amazing ladies on here you dont have to live this way when you are ready reach out sweetie and grab a helping hand
Until then keep writing it down honestly it really does help dont hold it in it will fester and grow and one day it will eat you from the inside out believe me i know. Keep posting keep being strong and keep safe sweetie xx

[Hereforhelp]

He will not listen to you, he will continue to twist your words, deny (gaslighting) his behaviour and blame you or kids, work… anything but him.

Write in a journal, set up a group on an app with a friend and your friend removes themselves so it is only you… you can leave yourself Voice Notes or write it down….

Keep posting on here ❤️
Read womans stories on here

[tiredofitall]

I always wrote in a journal and hid it as I needed to get my thoughts and feelings out and I knew he absolutely would not listen. He doesn’t give any validation to how i feel or my perspective, all that matters is what he thinks and how he views the situation and most situations in his mind are black and white and someone has to be blamed.
You do need to let it out though so if you have no-one you can confide it i definitely would try and write it down somewhere safe.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you all so much. Currently going through a bad phase. I don’t even want to be around him and am sleeping in the spare room in turmoil while he carries on like nothings happened. I tried to talk about how I was feeling how I felt he had been unfair and he Denys things he’s said takes no responsibility for how he has been won’t ever see what he does. Yet I’m the one who was treated badly and told I cause problems because I pulled him on it. I refused to go out with him today as I can’t bear to be around him. I’ve since been told I don’t contribute enough and he’s trying so hard to wind me up with comments and little things he’s saying that are a dig at me. I’m so screwed up today yet again because of him.

[Supporteachother]

Writing things down, as suggested before will help massively, almost a little diary to yourself. For the mess in your head, music has been a good therapy for me, even singing daft little tunes out loud to myself just for something nice to here and stop the thoughts in my head.
Unfortunately he won’t ever see he’s done anything wrong, I’m in the same situation and my only advice is to keep being strong and as much as possible allow all the comments to just bounce off you and not let him feel like he’s won. Sending lots of love x

[Worrierwoman]

I can completely relate to this post, as though I could have written it myself. It’s hard and it’s lonely. Sometimes I write, which helps, and other times I distract myself by keeping busy and make myself believe I’m over thinking things

[Author]

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