Overwhelming Anger

[Serenity]

I woke up today with absolutely overwhelming anger.

Maybe it’s a good thing rather than a bad thing. I never allowed myself to feel angry; other people didn’t allow me to be angry! Maybe I am going to a new level, where I accept my angry and don’t drill myself for it.

I was feeling extraordinarily angry at my sister. In our childhood, I was very much in hey shadow. She’s a very dominant person. A lot of times, she does things with the appearance of ‘helping’ you but in fact what she does is take away your autonomy and your choice. She has no faith in other people: she thinks she is better than them and that they need her to micromanage their lives.

But people don’t. They are trying to find their own way. They don’t need hey buzzing around and uttering endless judgemental comments all the time. Truth is, her own life is pretty much shambolic, do how on earth she thinks that she is qualified o dictate, I don’t know.

I haven’t fallen out with her. Silly pacifist me doesn’t do falling out with people. But I have managed to distance myself from her. I don’t contact her often; I don’t tell her much about my life even when we are in contact. I don’t want to. She made me feel like I was a bad mother for having a breakdown. When you’re going through hell, you don’t need to be shamed for being human. I read that quote today, and immediately thought of her.

I feel so angry at her I feel I could screaming it down the street. I feel angry at my mother for emotionally leaning on me all my life and for trying to monopolise my marriage and for belittling my eldest son, and trying to control the other. I feel furious at my ex for dating to think so little of other people and so much of himself that he thinks he has the right to go around using people and lying.

I just feel angry!!!

I can see why I married my ex. He is very similar to certain people in my family, who tried to force me to be in their shadow- and still do ifcthry have half a chance. I gave a illness where at certain times, fatigue can be hvetehelmi g. Yet she was dictating to he that I should be living life at 100 miles an hour. Exactly like my ex: zero empathy and they cannot accept that people are different from them, have different issues and different priorities. Other people are just there as appendages and as an audience, meant to feel forced to agree with them all the time and do things fs their way.

When I told my mother once that I wanted a Kew evil life after getting out of my abysive marriage, as she was trying to dominate me and take liver where he left off in certain ways, she told me that peace was a luxury. As if to brainwash me into thinking that I was wrong to assert my wish for peace.

I am sick of the mind games people play.

Maybe I will go to the gym and burn some metal to get it out of my system!

Sorry for my rant!

[Serenity]

Sorry, typo: when I told my mother I wanted a peaceful life after my marriage ended

[KIP.]

It’s good to let your anger out. I was told that internalised anger turns to depression. My new found freedom to think for myself has brought real revelations. My best friend who I’ve known since primary school has the same traits as my ex! It makes me wonder if I’m drawn to that type of person. Or more likely they are drawn to me. I’ve also distanced myself and am very careful what I tell her because she throws it back in my face or just gaslights me. I think it’s positive that you’re discovering these traits and you have every right to feel anger and distance yourself from it. No point in confronting these people. They will never understand.

[Serenity]

Thanks, KIP.

No, you’re right, trying to explain to them would be a pointless exercise. They close their ears.

Far better to allow yourself to feel angry in the privacy of your own bedroom! I was uttering profanities into my pillow!

It was a great release! It is wonderful to allow yourself to feel anger, and not try to suppress it. Then you can move on.

I think it was White Rose or maybe LONC who recently posted that they are enjoying allowing themselves to be less than the perfectly passive receptacle- that they are enjoying finding their inner b**ch! I can understand this. It’s not healthy to be a martyr to abuse. It’s good to rise up, fight back and speak out.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Serenity,
So glad to hear you’re allowing your inner b***h to vent. Like Kip said, I was told by the head of psychiatry that guilt was anger turned inwards and was very unhealthy and dangerous as it causes depression. He told me to stop holding my anger in, stop feeling guilty and tell people to ‘f*** off!’ When people were picking on me or abusing me. He worked with me for 4x 1hr sessions trying to get me to visualise myself saying it to him, then just come out with it. In the end he gave up and said not to worry, he couldn’t even visualise me saying it either 😀 Instead he told me to raise my hand up in front of me and say STOP ✋ in a loud clear voice and tell the person I was not going to be spoken to like that and walk away. I tried it on my husband when I got home and he fell about laughing with tears rolling down his face! I thought no one would ever take me seriously and that like you I was a pacifist. However, after living with my husband for over (detail removed by Moderator) decades I am now able to not only tell him to f*** off (detail removed by Moderator) if he woke me up once more to drag me up to bed with him. It’s amazing what years of sleep deprivation can do to the the quietest of people!!!
Use your inner anger to spur you forward in your quest of discovery… or yell profanities into your pillow if that’s what makes you feel good. Just live your life your way and enjoy 😊

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