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Today it is too much.
Today I feel jealous, jealous of the beginning perfect bit he will have with her. The bit where I was so unbelievably happy, not aware of who he really was or what he was capable of. The bit where i fell for everything he said.
I miss him, I miss the first perfect bit. I feel broken, worthless, and I have been doing so well.I found out he has been constantly round another woman’s house 2 days ago and it has thrown me.
I have been happy, I have felt safe, I have felt relaxed.
But this has brought the happiness at the beginning back all the memories I have tried to forget.What if he isn’t like it with her. What if he just hates me? Is it my fault he hurt me so many times and was so angry?
I gave him every bit of me, I tried so hard to make him happy not wanting to not be a family.
This is unbelievably difficult
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Hi Darkclouds321
I completely understand why this would make you jealous. Who wouldn’t want those blissful days of lovebombing? Remember it isn’t real and it won’t last. The reality is abuse.
The person who causes the abuse is the abuser. It was not your fault. Abusers don’t change, they just get better at being abusive as they get more practiced at it. They might change the victim but they don’t change their behaviour.
The price you paid and the price she will pay for his fake lovebombing is far too high. Sadly she will become another one of us. When she does, I hope she finds the help she’ll need.
Try not to follow his antics if you can help it. Whether he is lovebombing her or abusing her, it will be far too painful for you to witness.
Follow your own life now. I’m told that real love is a much more gentle business than the artificial highs of love bombing and it starts with loving yourself. xx
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