Panic attack

[gladtobefree]

I haven’t been on here in ages and thought my lufe was moving forward. Ex has not made contact for (detail removed by moderator) and I have now moved house with my children. His Dad has called and had a brief chat and I said we are doing fine but didn’t disclose my new address and just stated the area. My ex was told mediation was not suitable and what steps to take and that was (detail removed by moderator) ago. He didn’t and despite using court as a threat, I didn’t hear from them.
Now it’s started all over again. My ex has put on social media a status asking for my new address and dies anyone know it as he has paperwork for me. In regards to baby. He stopped maintenance on (detail removed by moderator) to be nasty as he does and that was also (detail removed by moderator) ago and I hadn’t heard since. He was told he would have to go back to mediation as he didn’t apply to court in the 4 month time frame. So what would the paperwork be? He may just be doing it for attention as he wrote befire asking people for a solicitor, it still makes me so nervous xx

[KIP.]

It’s no wonder you are nervous. I’d report this to the police. You moved away and kept your address secret for a reason. I’d also come off all social media. I never went back on. I think he’s just fishing. These men don’t like it when they’re not in control. He’s probably been busy maybe with another victim before now and he’s obviously looking for a hook back into your life now. The paperwork is a bluff. I’m sure he could send it to a family member or friend of yours if it was important. Please let all your friends and family know not to share it x also make sure you’re anonymous on the electoral role now he may know the area you live in x

[gladtobefree]

Thank you
Is this a reportable thing. The police are not always helpful. He has said that the paperwork is in regards to baby, It makes no sense though. We were exempt from mediation but court has to be applied to within 4 months or back to mediation. Is there a way he would have applied without mediation again? also my anxiety is making it hard to think clearly, surely the court would find me new address and send me a court hearing date and not him that would have to forward paperwork to me? xx

[KIP.]

Given the background of abuse it’s definitely reportable. He’s trying to find your address. Trying to find you. You don’t know what’s behind that. At the very least the police can note your concerns in case you do need a non mol order. Tell them you’re scared for your safety. He has a history of abuse. Get support from your local women’s aid too x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there,welcome back. This man is definitely fishing. There are ways as kip has said fir him to pass on ‘paperwork’. Hopefully noone will respond to his request. As you have had to move away to protect yourself and baby, absolutely report to your local police station. Mind and ask for the DDT domestic abuse officers not just an ordinary PC. Staying safe is finding well all have to do afterwards just as much as in the relationship as getting out of it.
IWMB 💞💞

[gladtobefree]

Thank you Iwantmeback

I have reported and they are going to visit me. I can’t see what paper work he would even have as surely a court would locate me and if mediation then they have my details as in phone number and email address? So I’m unsute of what else it could be. Surely a court would not advice that he tracks me down xx

[KIP.]

Try not to worry. Just tell the police there is a history of abuse and emphasise you fear for your safety. I’ve seen this tactic used before. One abuser put on Facebook that his wife was ‘missing’ and appealed for anyone to tell him where she was. If it’s that important then he could pass it on through a third party or a solicitor. It can’t be that important if you’re managing fine without it. It’s worrying that he’s so blatant about trying to find you. There are legal ways if its legally important. You do not wish him to know where you are and that’s absolutely your right. I found I always had to push back every time he pushed the boundaries. Make sure you get the names and badge numbers/crime number for future reference. Screenshot the post too x

[gladtobefree]

I have no idea why someone would put that all over social media and not realise it isn’t going to help matters. He was emotionally abuse more than anything and that is why its been so hard to get anything in motion for him to not make contact.
I felt so much better when I hadn’t heard anyhing from or about him xx

[KIP.]

Yep. Any contact is toxic x

[diymum@1]

The police scroll through fb everyday one officer is assigned to this. So it will be taken seriously xx better to be safe than sorry. My gut feeling is he’s bluffing. If he wasn’t eligible for mediation before that’s because they’ve confirmed he’s abusive xx

[gladtobefree]

Thank you all for your help and advice.
I am going to make it very clear to authorities if it gets that far that I also have two othwr children that are not anything to do with him and they also have a right to a fresh start and feel safe and happy in our new home.
I think it gets very over looked by my ex and his family that my other children also have rights to a normal secure life. My eldest son is an adult now and my ex actually got aggressive to him before we separated. He was also aggressive to my younger autistic son. This was not taken further yet is still a point im going to make for their well being.
I really hope the police can at least speak to him to make him aware that he has no reason to know our address xx

[KIP.]

If possible ask for a domestic abuse trained officer. If the police don’t take you seriously then make a complaint to a senior officer. I would like to think at the very least they will speak to him as putting you in a state of fear and alarm is a criminal offence. It might also come under new stalking legislation. You’re absolutely right in what you’re doing to protect you all. But also ensuring his behaviour is noted in terms of a pattern of controlling behaviour.

[gladtobefree]

Thw police have said that it isn’t enough to act on and said I coukd go for an order for him to not make contact so I called the helpline and they said it will most likley be refused due to him not directly asking me for my address and even though he has put it on social media it isn’t direct contact. They have offered to send a warning letter. Sometimes I feel like things haven’t improved much from years ago. I can say from experience that mental abuse is far more damaging than physical and in no way am I taking it away frkm anyone who has suffered violence as I also did myself in a previous relationship too. I find the emotional stuff is more difficult personally and also harder to have anything done about it. Even will it being clear that someone is being manipulative xxxx

[KIP.]

Hey, well done you. It’s a pattern of behaviour that will get him caught out in the end so keep your journal. Hopefully after his warning he will back off. If he doesn’t you can use that warning for the police to take further action. I totally agree with the mental abuse lasting so much longer. It does get better though x keep moving forwards x

[gladtobefree]

Thank you for the support. It helps so much to be able to chat on here xx

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