Panic Attack at work :(

[Alone]

Argh I feel like I live in a constant state of confusion! I keep finding myself jumping between how I’m going to deal with things, and just settling for it.

I’m supposed to be submitting a letter to one of my employers for a type of extended leave, in an effort to reduce my work pattern and decide later which job I will stick with.

I was feeling quite relaxed and focused one day in particular, so I started writing it on my shift. About halfway through my shift, I started to feel dizzy. But I just carried on, as I always do, whatever is going on. I feel that too many people make excuses for why they can’t do things, and I don’t like that attitude, and no matter what is going on with me I always attempt something, I won’t just say “I can’t do that, I’ve worked ten days in a row” or “I can’t do that, I’ve been diagnosed with exhaustion”. Maybe I can do it, and if I don’t try, I really feel like I’ve let myself down. And I don’t feel I can expect each employer to expect less of me because I have another job, it makes me feel that I’m underperforming if I don’t give my best. I guess that attitude is contributing to everything overwhelming me!

So anyway, my point is, other than feeling dizzy, it had seemed like a good day. My exhaustion wasn’t overwhelming, I was focused and getting on with things, even started thinking along the lines that I can keep both jobs, I’ve got this. I’d been feeling dizzy for about two hours, when someone was suddenly very rude to me. Extremely rude. Instead of getting upset, as I usually would, I felt I responded in a professional manner that wasn’t rude and let the person know I wouldn’t stand for rudeness. But suddenly it felt like my chest was being crushed. (detail removed by Moderator) before I had even turned away from the rude person, and it was just the final straw. I was instantly unable to breathe.

I ran away from my work area, which is a massive no-no, the area must be attended at all times, I ran across the building, (detail removed by Moderator), where I literally collapsed in the back, gasping for breath. It was the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. Usually for me, a panic attack is something that builds, something triggers it and I spend ages trying to calm myself, or even asking to step away for a moment, but this was instant. And it was also the first panic attack I’ve had that didn’t come with tears. It was just awful. I felt that my doctor was right that I’m burnt out and need to take time off, but I’m afraid to and still I just keep going. I tried to talk to my other employer about being diagnosed with exhaustion, but I have asked for a chat every shift since seeing the doctor, but no one has made time to speak to me, and I’ve suddenly found they’ve increased my role and responsibilities when right now I could do with a reduction, or even some support. I’m feeling a pressure to perform and keep acting like everything is okay, but that panic attack scared me, I’m very anxious of it happening again, and if it happens in the other job, I could lose my role.

I don’t even know what I’m asking or why I’m sharing, just don’t really have anywhere else to discuss these things!

xx

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

I’m sorry to hear what you experienced, it sounds like you’re going through a lot of stress. It sounds like you have been putting a lot of pressure on yourself to perform well in not just onw but two jobs, I’m not surprised you’re exhausted.

It’s good that you’re applying for extended leave, if possible get this document typed up soon as possible and submitted so that you can take some time off to rest. I had a breakdown once years ago after working 70 hour weeks for about a year and I’m still not back to working full time, so it’s best to leave sooner rather than later before your body and mind start to get worse which is what happened in my case. I’ve learnt to listen to my body and mind if I am not feeling good and prioritise self care which has helped me to heal and be able to function normally again.

I hope you can rest this evening and reduce your hours soon, could you also see if either job has any in-work counsellors you can access? It would be good if you got some help to manage the anxiety if you haven’t already. xx

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