Panic attack? Really bad night

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi
So I’ve noticed more that when I’m due to come home from work I’m feeling anxious as I don’t know how he’s going to be or how the night will go. I can usually just brush this off and get on with it. (Detail removed by moderator) he was having a go at my son who isn’t his child.   (detail removed by moderator) Now I have no doubts my son has probably bent the truth (detail removed by moderator) but does that really matter in the grand scheme of things. He’s saying  (detail removed by moderator). So now my son is probably laid in bed terrified of what tomorrow will bring. The children went to bed and then he started on me saying I’m not supportive I don’t have his back etc etc calling me all sorts of names. Then said (detail removed by moderator). The worst they will do is remove me. All through this or as soon as he gets heated his face changes he’s like a different person and I feel myself getting really shaky and panicky and I feel sick and need the toilet. I get in such a state. My heart is racing. I can’t take anymore of this. My children are all in bed so I can’t just leave. I’ve come for a bath to try and relax but I know when I get out he will probably start again. He told me to go in the bath to be away from him and he doesn’t want to speak to me for the rest of the night but he can never stay quiet.

Sorry for the long post I just needed to vent

[Hawthorn]

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing such awful abuse and that he’s abusing your son too. What a monster. I know exactly what you mean about an abusers face changing, it’s so terrifying. It is his real face. That contempt and rage. Any niceness is a mask he wears to hide it. Whenever I had doubts after leaving I just remembered my abusers face like that. The real him.

Could you phone the police to have him removed? You must be so terrified and I know that feeling of being frozen and unable to act. How dare he make you afraid to come out of bathroom because you fear a volley of abuse! You and your children do not deserve to live like this. Do you have support from your local womens aid? You really deserve support.

Please keep reaching out, sending a big hug xx

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you. I have a DA support worker. I’ll ring her tomorrow. I got out of the bath and he hasn’t spoken to me. He’s gone up to bed without saying anything which is very unusual and out of character. I’m just worried that when I go to bed now he won’t let me sleep he’s done that before.

[Hawthorn]

Could you sleep on the couch or would that make things worse? I used to pretend I’d fallen asleep watching TV. Or wait until I heard him snoring then sneak in. It’s so difficult to function without sleep, that’s why they deprive us of it.

Hope you get some sleep and good luck with your support worker tomorrow xx

[Hopefulwishes]

Yea it would probably make things worse. The last time I tried to sleep in my older daughters bed as she was away at her dads and he sent me (detail removed by moderator) messages tried to ring me (detail removed by moderator) to get me to go into him. I did because our daughter was in with me asleep.

I went to bed last night and he didn’t bother me. Now he’s expecting us to have (detail removed by moderator) and wants to be intimate. Is he for real. He’s acting like nothing has even happened. Then wonders why I’m off. He keeps saying to me are you in a mood. My support worker is ringing me tomorrow so hopefully she can just help me collect my thoughts and feelings. I would really like to leave this weekend whilst me older 2 children are at their dads.

[Hawthorn]

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that you get out this weekend. My abuser used to want sex after an abusive episode too. Pretending everything was ok and nothing had happened, the issue was with me because I didnt want it. Its gaslighting but I also think they get off on the abuse. Putting you back in your place as a submissive sex object. It’s so awful.

Good luck with your support worker tomorrow x

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