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It’s been a really tough week. The ex has upped the mind games, every time he’s been in the house I keep finding (detail removed by moderator). I have no idea what to do and feel afraid to confront him because he will accuse me of being crazy. I’m certain it’s because we begin mediation soon and he wants to make me look unhinged.
At work today a male colleague played s prank on me and bellowed at me whilst I was reaching towards something… I ran away and had full on panic attack in toilets. My therapist has taught me breathing and I was able to go back to my job as normal. But I feel ready to crack and I’m so embarrassed I can’t hold it together.
My emotions are all over the shop. I don’t know what to do next. My therapist said confront him (detail removed by moderator) but I just cant… -
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Blimmmin heck! Excuse me but – No! Do not confront your abuser! My gut is shouting at me that this is not a good idea! I was really hpping it was the other way round 🙁
Please phone the helpline on here to confirm – the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when the abuser realises they are losing control. Confronting him will either show him that you see him for what he is (& therefore he is losing control) or he will use it for more crazy making denial/manipulation (furthering your trauma).
Pointing out an abusers flaws is pointless – they are not wrong, they are the victim, they will not change.
Big hugs and strength to you hon,
Iwillbeok x
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Hi hun totally agree with other posters. Do not confront an abuser especially one you have order. My advice. Cut contact to minimum. He is trying to wind you up for upcoming mediation I agree. Why are you having someone abusive in your house? If there are kids go changeover at school. Do not speak to him directly. For visitation email or text. Block him for a week if he gets abusive or mean and tell him you will allow text purely for kids arrangements. Regarding mediation tell them he is overpowering and you want separate rooms so you are not dealing with him direct. You are getting your strength back and don’t need his putdowns lies and attacks. You have a right to live in peace. Sset clear boundaries. Your dealing with a 3 year old having a tantrum. Be super Nanny. When he emcsnt push your buttons he will play up. Ignore him.blocj him. Put him on the naughty step good luck
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He still has children at house for contact as he has no where suitable atm. At first he told me u had to leave but after many arguments about it he seems to have accepted that I won’t (unless he starts arguing with me infront of children then I do leave). He is paying fir house still and I haven’t applied for benefits yet, we are months apart now so maybe I need to make next step? A clean split and non contact seems impossible because he likes to be involved and ‘help’ he is still criticising me. The objects he left in house I can’t find any after this visit but he has left another Sharp object out. It is confusing I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose. I might just be being highly strung.
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He’s doing it on purpose. He wants to continue controlling you. He wants you to doubt yourself and think you are overreacting. I would definitely take whatever steps you can to minimise his control of you. Don’t confront.him either. It doesn’t help and it is dangerous. Just quietly make arrangements to remove him as much as possible from your life.
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