Panicking

[Gazebo]

Hi
I’ve literally just messaged women’s aid as I’m not doing to good at the moment I’m now having a real panic as my husband works for let’s just say (detail removed by moderator) and I scared he may find out would he ever find out that I’ve contacted them through his work! He couldn’t could he??? X*x

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful angel … Gazebo
Firstly take a few breaths … you have done the right thing contacting women’s aid if you feel you needed to and they will be able to help you now
I am sure everything is confidential even if your partner does work for (detail removed by moderator) & actually this may be even more of a red flag … its concerning he does when he is abusive, so by reporting him you might not have only helped yourself but also the general public
This is the time for you to step into your power and not stay small any longer, pull out that inner strength and start to feel empowered by taking the first step to contact women’s aid and post on here. I am not saying the next few steps will be easy but getting what you truly want rarely is, so just keep going knowing you are supported and backed by all the ladies on here
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Gazebo]

Thank you so much, I’ve been struggling for so long I spoke with a friend yesterday and she advised me to set myself little targets even doing one little thing every couple of weeks so this morning I thought I’m going to try so contacted them but then went into complete panick mode that he will find out – I have two little boys so find it hard to leave him as I don’t want to leave the family home but can’t actually afford to keep it myself I don’t want to break my little bubba’s hearts by unsettling them. My friend said to me yesterday I always put my boys first which I do bur she said I need to start putting me first otherwise I’m going to crash and be no good for them it all did kind of make sense, easier said than done though I will always try and make my children happy and don’t want them affected but I know at some point they are going to be for me to get through this xx sorry I’m waffling on but thank you so much for replying xx

[KIP.]

They’re already being affected. They have a stressed out panicking mother who’s attention is taken up with abuse. Your kids will be happy wherever you are. They’re very resilient. Think of the air hostesses telling you to get your own oxygen mask on before you help others. You need to be safe and secure and happy and not scared so you can pass that onto your kids. Get some good legal advice. You may well be in a much stronger position than you think.

[nbumblebee]

@gazebo I am so proud of you. Well done dor being so so brave. Keep taking those steps sweetie keep moving foward at a pace you are comfortable with you are doing an amazing job just keep going fowards. You got this.
And No No he wont find out WA know what they are doing sweetie you are safe in their hands.
Remember You got this. Big hugs x

[Eggshells]

Hi Gazebo

Well done for reporting him.

People seem to report very different responses from the police. Regardless of whether he finds out or not, he will be sensing a resilience in you and a nascent sense of resistance to his behaviour. He won’t like that. I’d recommend that you have a bag packed with essentials (birth certificates, passports, marriage certificate, change of clothes for you and the boys, phone charger, wash kits etc). Keep it hidden. This will give you the option to leave at short notice if you feel you need to.

I understand that you want to stay for your boys sakes but honestly hon, you’re not doing them any favours by staying. I thought that it was best to stay for my boys sakes. I realised my mistake too late. The boys will be soaking up the abuse like little sponges and they may well become his next victims of coercive control – that amounts to a very damaging childhood.

Please start considering your options from a different perspective. How can you best protect yourself and your children from their father’s toxic influence?

[Gazebo]

Thank you all -I haven’t actually reported him I’ve just contacted them for some support on going forwards I want to find out if there are any drop in sessions to attend as I feel I need to talk to someone face to face not sure if this is even possible xx I’m trying to not let it affect my children but deep down I know it probably is 🙁 which makes me feel like a failure to them and I need to be stronger to stop this happening x thanks again all xx

[nbumblebee]

You are not a failure no way.
You are brave strong and doing the very best you can. Hope you feel a little better today sweetie x

[Eggshells]

He is the failure Gazebo. This is on him, not you.

Do you have a keyworker from your local DV charity?

[Gazebo]

No keyworker and women’s aid haven’t responded to me so feeling bit rubbish and again he’s messing me about sex (detail removed by moderator) these messages make me want to cry I hate it ots every day always something and I know I’m going to have to do it today as it’s been (detail removed by moderator) of not 🙁 my positive thinking has gone and feeling rubbish again xx

[Lisa]

Hi Gazebo

I just wanted to show you some support. I am sorry to hear that no one is getting back to you. It’s awful that he sends you messages, and it’s not ok to pressure you into sex, you are not consenting.

You could have a chat with a Women’s Aid worker today in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:
https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Do keep posting to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Wants To Help]

Hi Gazebo.
I’ve sent you a private message.
Best wishes x

[Gazebo]

Replied xx

[Author]

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