Paralysed with fear

[elmar]

I’ve known for some time I need to leave him. He has become progressively more abusive, and my self image and view of the world has spiraled down. The love I still have for him makes it hard to leave, but the fear is the greater reason why I stay. He constantly tells me he will end his life if I leave, and has threatened to kill other people as well. He yells at me, breaks and hits things, cusses at me and threatens me. He has made threats about what he will do to me if I go to the police again. I am really scared if I try to leave him he will do the things he says, and I feel like I have no power to protect myself or my loved ones from him.

While I’ve kept a lot in, the people around me who suspect something is wrong have told me to leave, and are pressuring me to do so, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like they don’t understand me, but I don’t want to tell them why I can’t just leave because I feel too guilty, and am afraid they would try anything against my will. I feel terrible about putting my loved ones through stress and I can imagine how frustrating it is for them to see me in this situation and for me to not be brave enough to leave. I feel stuck.

[minimeerkat]

i know how hard this must be for you. some of the threats were exactly the same (suicide) which is a powerful way to control you. and it feels so very real & believable. i also know how hard it is also when you think of ending it due to how much you love them. but you might be trauma bonded to him which wont help you see or think clearly at the moment – have you read anything about these types of bonds? these type of bonds can be confused with love which is interesting, but they are also formed when there is fear, helplessness & hopelessness. have you thought about speaking to your local domestic abuse service? because i found them to be so much help & so supportive. plus they helped me see more clearly re: what was really going on. even if you contact them theres absolutely no pressure at all to do anything so dont worry about that. but they can listen & talk to you – they can support you so much. theres also a live chat on this site or an email address. so reach out if you can to others. hopefully writing a bit about what is going on & how you feel is a start & has helped a little. keep posting as there will be many more women on this site who are still going through exactly what you are dealing with, & they will help & support you as much as possible. thinking of you & hoping you stay safe x

[Ricepudding]

Hi I read your post I feel your pain your fear it consume you to the point of freeze. one of the responses fight flight or freeze. I thought I was flight but I’m not I freeze and let the fear of what he says and acts consume me to the point Of just crippling fear. Work I’m constantly looking over my shoulder catching glimpses of what might be his car.work say just walk away but fear has his claws deep into me just like a shadow I just can’t ascape it’s growing larger and larger eating away at me to the point I don’t recognise the person in the mirror. Then on top of the crippling fear is guilt and shame. I feel and see your pain. Sending much love.

[elmar]

Hi rice pudding!
Thank you too for your response. I can completely relate to it, and I also see you and I feel your pain. Sending lots of love and strength your way x*x

[StrongLife]

Please be careful and seek domestic violence counselling too or hotline.

I too have just broken through a big fear. It’s difficult- things get better.

[Author]

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