Parental alienation

[mumhurricanewaveran]

Hi, new here. Don’t know where to post, just hoping someone could give me some advice if anyone has been in my situation? I really hope they haven’t but sadly I guess someone will have)
My ex (still going through divorce) has alienated my children against me since I asked for a divorce. History of mental abuse, some physical abuse to me and children. Now children refuse to talk to me or see me. If me and my ex have a disagreement, or I don’t do what he wants he tells the children. I involved social services as my children’s mental wellbeing was at risk (school shared my concerns) and now a child protection order is in place.
We tried mediation (detail removed by Moderator) to try and come to amicable agreement for a child arrangement plan but ex did not like the mediator as she was not ‘on his side’.
I am now going to apply to court (detail removed by Moderator). I feel so lost in the system and do not know where to turn. I have been without my children for (detail removed by Moderator) months now. I am broken and my ex is always 15 steps ahead of me. I don’t know how much longer I can continue to fight.
Any advice welcome. Thank you

[Twisted Sister]

Hi mumhurricanewaveran

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this, and yes, sadly there are others also going through this. From what I’ve read it seems you and your husband are separated and he has the children living with him?

This is harmful to the children for them to live with him based on what you’ve said about abuse from him to you all. How does the children protection order work if they are living with him? I think I’m missing something. Please don’t feel under any pressure to provide any other info if it may be identifying or you don’t want to. Its good that there is a child protection order in place, but are social services fully aware of what he’s doing in terms of still abusing them?

Also, you didn’t mention that you have any support for yourself, and I would think you would be desperate to have some support locally for you to help you navigate all this. Are you aware of what services there are close to you that could help?

There is an organisation called Match Mothers that have been alienated from their children or separated from them for various reasons, they might be worth calling,

Do keep posting all you need.

warmest wishes

ts

[Mellow]

This is insane !how did he end up with your kids if you don’t mind me asking.yes I’ve experienced it and I cut contact with my ex but my children used to visit him I chose not to go to court as I don’t trust the system I don’t have any order in place I took it on myself to self refer contact with an agency and he was not interested in doing so .i know he wants me to go to court but I’m leaving that to him i know he wants it for personal gain and he does not want to pay for it so that’s my leverage I won’t pay and I won’t go down the route of getting a freebie before you get free advice also think for yourself dosent mean all these orders they are offering are best for you.you know who you lived with and have an idea of their capabilities.i have my children and if he decides to take me anything I’ve done has been for my child’s best interest it’s up to the court to prove otherwise so good luck to him.he’s using your kids and I know what this is like my older one is almost supportive of him as he didn’t see the abuse and blames me a lot but the more I talk about it the more he’s getting his head round it .if they are older never change your truth keep telling them your truth .younger children talk to them about signs to watch out for you don’t have to mention their dad but let them recognise what abuse is .the truth is the kids don’t see it for what it is and you must tell them in a child like way and reinforce what healthy is.so they can begin to see for themselves when they realise.it’s over for your ex

[Serenity1]

Hi ladies,
I am sorry to hear all the pain you are enduring the most important person in all this is you! taking care of yourself is the only fuel that will give you strength to get through this horror show one day at a time sending positive light to all.

Unfortunately there is a systematic failure (with authority figures) the courts, poilce, social services I have lost all faith in them completely- there isn’t any hope in my experience.
I have been a victim of domestic abuse most of my life! post separation abuse (detail removed by moderator)

Recently my daughter made a concerning disclosure that I had a duty of care to report to the poilce,
As what she disclosed is very serious.
(detail removed by moderator)

Every contact I show up despite the trauma of having to communicate with him over our daughter as this comes with constant false allegations i do my bit and walk away to the best of my ability. I have to surrender or I will loose myself to insanity o hope one day my daughter will have the courage to break free from him one day she may come out the fog of his mad reality. I will be there strong and well to support her and bring her to reality.

Parental alienation is real unrecognised and dismissed by the system. The legislation of law is a shambles, I have learnt in the system there are many perpetrators that are failing to protect women and children because the are abusers in there area of job and professions, this should not be allowed but sadly it is happening and has done for many years.

I pray for all of you that feel like you can no longer carry on I have felt like this many times. Despite the trauma and the pain we are enduring we can hide in support groups, forums, recovery programmes is the key to survival- guided self love meditation’s, like minded women, freedom programmes , books to educate us I recommend why does he do this? (Lundy Bancroft).

[Author]

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