Parental Alienation

[Overcome]

Hi all,

It has been a long time since I last posted.

I have been out of my abusive relationship for some time now, but we have children together. We both have new partners and everything seemed to be working out.

But suddenly my children were avoiding wanting to spend time with me and have suddenly rejected my new partner. The things they have been saying seemed to have come out of their other parents mouth (things that seem scripted almost from him, things I myself have heard word for word over the course of our relationship).

There have been a number of tricks played on me for instance, he has (detail removed by Moderator) without telling me. I needed to book one of my children in to be seen this week and was embarrassed to find out that they were no longer registered there. So my child needed to ask the other parent where the new (detail removed by Moderator) was. My ex used this to show how embarrassing I didn’t know where my own Childs (detail removed by Moderator) was and that I’m useless. He has slowly taken away parenting tasks that should be joint such as dentist appt’s haircuts, paying for activities etc.

My ex is being the Disneyland dad, always spoiling them with fancy days out and bribing them with nice trips when they should be with me, especially on important dates such as Christmas and Easter. On top of this I have seen messages he has sent to my oldest child saying horrible things about me and my new partner, damming things… some of which he wouldn’t have know unless he had access to my social media account, about protected characteristics.

My children now no longer want to see my new partner but will happily spend lots of time with my ex’s new partner. They are also showing a lot of hostility towards me and my new partner and being very disrespectful.

I can’t afford to hire a solicitor or lawyer to try and build a case against parental alienation but I need to do something to safeguard my kids against thinking that this is acceptable to deal with.

Has anyone got any advice or similar experiences?

With Love,

Overcome x*x

[Lisa]

Hi Overcome,

This sounds like such a painful and worrying situation to be going through. It’s so unfair to you and your children that your ex is using them in this way and cares more about abusing you than their wellbeing.

It might be helpful to speak to Family Lives for some support around parenting, or even NSPCC about safeguarding. It also sounds like some legal advice may help to clarify your options. You may be eligible to get free and confidential advice from Civil Legal Advice (CLA) as part of Legal Aid. Coram’s Child Law Advice website has a lot of information that you can access for free and they do have a helpline and webchat service, you can find details on their contact page.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Overcome

I feel your pain, and totally understand the awful impact this is having on you all. I fear you have been lulled by him into a false sense of security that all was well and everyone happy now, newly settled into new relationships and moving on, so even more of a shock that this cruelty starts towards your children and you. It is abuse to them, what he’s doing, and he risks his own children’s bond with their one and only mother. It’s unforgiveable.

To deal with it I would be raising their awareness of tactics that are abusive. This is not to mention him in any way, but to make them aware via other means of totally unacceptable things that can happen to anyone. As an example, you might say that you remember a friend when you were children who told you how upsettting it was to hear her father saying such dreadful things about her mother, after her parents split, or get them some reading material, talk about Disney dads and how materialistic it makes children. How children are vulnerable to ‘treats’ and so on. Open their eyes to abusive tactics so that they can see what he’s doing for themselves, but don’t mention his name, and they will decide for themselves. I had some horribly upsetting revelations come to light as a result of such idle chats and discussions. There might be age appropriate films that would be good to watch that demonstrate these things to them.

It’s also important to put in boundaries, and stick to your guns when they are crossed, as hard as that may be.

I hope you find some sound legal advice and support around managing your children through this further abuse. They are being used as pawns, and it’s very bad for their wellbeing.

warmest wishes

ts

[Author]

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