18th February 2018 at 6:38 pm #54755
I am having a really bad time.
I have to look after my parents for a while because both of them are sick and it becomes too much for my siblings. They have been taking it in turns for a while whilst I did not get involved.
To my surprise my siblings are supportive of my emotional rollercoaster.
I have been having nightmares since I organised my trip to them.
I feel so much resistance and the urge to cancel everything and to not go becomes stronger.
I cry frequently, I punch the table with my fists.
All these painful memories of the abuse are flooding back unfiltered.
I do not know what to do.
I have never forgiven my parents. I do not like them.
My siblings need my help.
They are so loyal, despite the abuse they have suffered from them.
18th February 2018 at 7:52 pm #54762KIP.Participant
My advice is not to go. You are obviously still vulnerable and traumatised and not ready to take this on. If your siblings are supportive of your emotional rollercoaster they won’t mind.
21st February 2018 at 8:00 pm #54832
I have arranged my travels already.
One of my siblings is sick and relies on my help.
It is soooooo difficult.
22nd February 2018 at 7:21 am #54858Eve1Participant
Does your trip have an end date, so at least you can focus on that? Can you make it a relatively short trip? Do whatever you can to look after your own health while you’re there. Take regular breaks. Serenity talks about imagining yourself inside a protective bubble when around difficult people. This could help you.
Wishing you strength.
25th February 2018 at 12:42 pm #55020
Thank you, Eve1, I will try to imagine that I am in a bubble. My mother is such a toxic person, despite her age and illness.
I am there until my father is able to live at home again.
1st March 2018 at 11:12 pm #55292puzzledatlifeParticipant
Ayanna, this may be a stupid comment, but it seems to me good that you are aware of your feelings…I have not been aware of my feelings for such a long time. That awareness probably protects you. You know you feel you owe this to your siblings and this is why you do this, and you know why you are rebelling against this too, why you find it so hard. I think it will be ok, you know? I think you will be able to distance yourself and take the breaks you need. Also over the course of your life this will have been a very difficult time but with a time limit attached to it; it will soon pass. And if you can’t cope you are not stuck, you can always head back – try but if you can’t cope you need to remind yourself there are always options. X
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