5th June 2016 at 5:43 pm #18633
Is it too late to report a violent attack if it has been a few years since it happened? I know I have no evidence other than what I told my friends or family. I know the exact date and times though due to it being after a gig I went to see. I am just so angry that this abuser got away with what he did to me. I know that he has abused two other partners with control since, he was a typical abuser, used coercive control and emotional abuse on me but I stood up to it in the end and that’s when the physical violence happened. I feel so guilty for not reporting it now that I am clued up on DV and emotional abuse. Not reporting it enables them to carry on doing it to others. Or should I just let it go now instead of opening up old wounds so to speak?
Stupidly I deleted the messages that proved the attack happened so I could move on.
Now with all the media and support that I have seen on abuse I know that I was assaulted and I know that what happened was not right at all 🙁
I ended it a few weeks after the attack because I was so scared of him, I knew that he was controlling and emotionally abusive, but I didn’t think it would turn violent.
The reason the attack happened was I was out with my friends and he met us as he hated me being out without him. He tried to stop me dancing with my female friends and I said no. He got more and more aggressive while we were watching a band. A friend then offered me a cigarette, he slapped it out of my face. I left the gig and he followed me, shouting and calling me an ‘ugly C word’, dragged me out a taxi as I tried to get home. I managed to get to my parents house and he was there, he got in his car drunk and sped towards me aiming for me on the drive, he reversed and aimed again trying to scare me or hit me I’m not sure. He took my keys and locked me out. When he did let me in he threw me across the hall and my head hit the wall. He was grabbing my head and squeezing my face calling me ugly and swearing as much as he could. my dog then came to where we were and he kicked my dog very hard. This was all at my parents house. I now believe he was beating my dog when I wasn’t around because I loved the dog, (I saw him do rough play with the dog and I asked him to stop many times as I found it aggressive and cruel) after this event I slowly made my plan to end it and made sure he was never alone with me or the dog again. In a way I am glad the violence happened as it made me leave. I am angry that he got away with it.
Sadly this was not the worst relationship I had. I suffered from a teenage emotional, sexual, coercive and financially abusing relationship for years before this. Though it was never violent it destroyed my mind and emotional state. Slowly realising it was wrong years later enabled me to stand up and challenge the behaviour of the violent relationship above and not be controlled. That’s why I said no I want to dance and go out even though he tried to stop me. Me standing up for my self caused me to be hit round the face and thrown across the hall. But at least I was able to get out of it once that had happened.
5th June 2016 at 6:12 pm #18636AyannaParticipant
Hi, I know how painful and annoying it is not to have reported past crimes. I hate myself for this regarding a former relationship.
There is nothing that can be done about it now.
If you could find his other former partners and all of you report him for crimes he has committed against you in the past then there is hope. But this means all of you have to report and go through with it.
5th June 2016 at 8:19 pm #18641
I don’t think it is a posibility to contact them unfortunately now, and I only know of the control side of the abuse for the other 2 and not any violence, although it may have happened. He started dating a girl my (detail removed by Moderator) knows and I heard from her she left him due to severe attempts to control her and very nasty behaviour.
I am just feeling angry that I didn’t see it for what it was at the time. It was a serious thing and due to me being used to forms of aggression and verbal/emotional abuse I let it go and just made a plan to leave him. I wish now I had called the police and kept the messages. I think this can be a lesson for anyone else, it is worth reporting if you have been hit and are suffering abuse. It’s not a trivial matter. It starts with the control and slowly over time gets worse to reach violence when you say no. It could have been a lot worse for me if i’d let it go on after the first time.
6th June 2016 at 1:05 am #18663Confused123Participant
U can still report now , its never too late to have abuse logged, even if there is no evidence at least its logged and may protect someone later on from him
6th June 2016 at 5:24 am #18664SerenityParticipant
You never know. It’s worth trying.
Doing so might help you feel the scale of justice is balanced, plus if they do log it,you never know how it might be used later on. It might be that vital bit of information that gets him punished or charged if he does anything later on with someone else.
I am so sorry you had to go though this. My ex was very harsh with our dog, and stole him when he went, so every day I worry. He sounds like a sick and jealous man. In fact he sounds like my ex.
Destroying us mentally and emotionally is a good way of putting it. I hope that you have healed for the great part X
6th June 2016 at 10:53 am #18675
Thank you, I am going to think about it. I need to think carefully as I don’t want consequences for my family. He knows where they live and it was difficult getting him out my life. I have moved far away since then. If it was possible to report it and just get it logged without him knowing just so I’d he ever did anything else it wouldn’t be the first time someone had said it and it and would make the next victim more likely to be believed. I don’t know how the reporting process works though. I will look into it.
6th June 2016 at 12:40 pm #18677SaharaDParticipant
Report him. It will give you closure and it will give anyone using Claire’s law much needed information about his abusive tendencies if nothing else.
6th June 2016 at 10:40 pm #18697StarmoonParticipant
I think you can still report it. I hadn’t reported a previous attack until recently. When I was making a statement about the most recent attack, I mentioned the others and he was subsiquently arrested and then re arrested for previous ones. In any case, there is no harm in trying. I look back and realize that allot of things were abusive but we don’t realize these things until we educate ourselves. You know years later that what he did back then was wrong. And you can get it off your chest… It will be made a note of at the very least, and if he’s got anything els against him from other relationships, or anything happens in the future then you reporting it will help x
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