People have no idea by comparison

[Anonymous]

Hi this may be long (I’m sorry) After you’ve left others are always comparing their own lives by his lies to them, they think he’s a normal man!!! If only they knew the truth! HIM I bought the food, paid the bills TRUTH he did, but didn’t tell you he closely monitored everything, scolded you for every drop of water you used, scolded you for everything you ate or didn’t eat, watched monitored & controlled. HIM she in the end didn’t want sex with me TRUTH no I didn’t, but was forced into complying, & when I didn’t you punished me, scolded me, you did not care if I was in pain, you didn’t tell them how sexually vile you were. HIM that car she drove I bought that TRUTH yes he did but he didn’t tell you it was his car,or how he scolded you for normal wear & tear or how he monitored the milage, or how he ruled your every move. HIM she didn’t want to come out with me TRUTH I was too scared too, you belittled me, criticised me to tears in public, then scolded me for crying. HIM, she didn’t want to visit my mum TRUTH I didn’t because he abused his elderly mum like he abused me, I couldn’t watch him do it,but I had to. HIM she is gone in the fn head, she is fn mental TRUTH he is a perpetrator of domestic abuse with a serious mental health problem. HIM I don’t know what she spends her money on TRUTH she had a pittance whilst you spent thousands gambling HIM versus the TRUTH!!!! Why does everyone believe him & think he is normal, They all think I am not, Suffering badly, They tell me he has moved on, POOR WOMAN WHOEVER YOU MAYBE.Me,I’m struggling to get through each day, I can’t sleep I am haunted by what he did to me, I shake I cry, I wonder how the hell I will survive because now after so many years of his abuse I feel like a scared child in such a big world, I fear for my life as his threats were very real, it would not be him who harmed my life he knew people who could do it. I fear strangers everywhere I go, my adult son too, Will I ever live a normal life again x

[Alicenotichains]

Well we can see the truth Blueberry. I thought this was a good post which I guess we can all relate to. They convince others that you are bad and/or mad and so others join in the abuse. Anyone they can’t convince (ie the people who see through them) they try and stop you seeing.
I think one lady on here has referred to the people who believe their lies as “flying monkeys” like the ones from the wizard of oz. It’s so frustrating but if you see it for what it is they lose their power. My 2 ex abusers and I have no mutual friends. No true friend of mine would have anything to do with either of them. I know if I try and speak to their families I am dealing with people who have been told a load of lies about me. So “No Contact” has become a blanket thing. I won’t speak to people who my exes are friendly with because they have been poisoned against me and I have drunk enough poison in my life.
You are not on your own. I have been accused of being controlling by both my exes. Both of them and their families have accused me of being mentally ill. My mum was actually mentally ill so indie think that maybe they were right. Until I went to a psychiatrist who gave me a clean bill of mental health Xx

[Anonymous]

Hi I had a major breakdown last year & did end up in a mental health hospital, He had convinced me I was crazy, I so am not, I’ll admit I was blinded, I saw him for who he was, exactly who he was, After years I finally got help to escape, I know it was the hardest thing to do, but I did not expect everyone to believe him & his lies, I am struggling between Letting him win by losing all who believed him & yet feel the need to constantly justify myself so that I don’t lose everyone, my pride says “Thank You” I needed my support system not lose them all, but think if they so easily judged me then they are not true people after all. I’m so scared of strangers so will struggle building a new life, He was a stranger!!!! x

[Falling Skys]

Hi Bluebell

Well done for braking free, but its hard after being controlled being in the real world.

I have joint friends ignore me because of his lies, but that’s their problem not mine.

I even got myself mentally assessed because I thought I was mad.

The joy of being able to choose what I can eat and when.

I do at times get nervous around men and I know this is silly but when I have the same car behind me for a length of time when I’m driving.

I don’t think life will be like it was before we were abused because we are different people. But it will get better and we will enjoy it to the full.

FS xx

[Anonymous]

Hi falling skies, I think my main problem is that it wasn’t until him & after I left that I had the sudden realisation I’d been abused all my life, I thought it was normal to be treated so badly, but it took a vile toxic man to completely break me. I feel now that It’s entirely my fault that I’ve allowed others to do it, that I’m weak & vulnerable, I’m so scared I’ll never be normal, or live a fulfilling life, I cringe at the thought of another man being near me, I am fighting this hard though, Thank You for your reply, it all helps that I’m not alone, that we are all suffering, I wish none of us were though x

[Falling Skys]

Blueberry none of this was ever your fault you like I never ask to be abused we gave love they gave hate.

I am baby steps, at first when I went out I couldnt choose where to sit in a cafe, let alone what to eat.

If I was ask what I wanted to do I would say I don’t mind, because if my abuser knew I wanted anything he would make sure I didn’t get it.

Today I was put on the spot and I was able to choose where a friend and I would go. This was a big thing for me.

You will get there.

FS xx

[Anonymous]

Hi, I hope you are right because I feel so scared feeling so scared, I just feel if I don’t tell anyone anything then they can’t judge me, Like I am also terrified of feeling so ill with my nerves. It’s horrible feeling this worthless. It also feels I should be able to be independent & this is a huge struggle daily, I feel like everyone is still judging & looks at me thinking why is she so weak & that he was right, I knew he wouldn’t stop until every last person thought like he did x

[Author]

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