Permission to cry

[cassandra05]

I have to be strong, in front of everyone. Now my friends and family know what I have been through, it is as if I am not allowed to cry, to be heartbroken at the end of a very long term relationship. A relationship I thought would be for life.

I know he is cruel, I know he is spiteful, I know he is severely abusive to me; all these things, I am not wanting to cry for the loss of him. But I have lost a stupid dream, I am now too old to have children, I so wanted children, it was something I said to him early on in the relationship, I was getting on a bit then and did not want anyone to waste their time with me if they did not want them. Next year, next year he would say, until I realised I would never want children with this man and I was too old by then anyway.

I cry for the loss of a possible life. The loss of my home. I cry alone afraid to let anyone see how weak and scared I really am. I even tell myself not to. If I start I may not stop and I have to sort out so many practical things.

I’m heartbroken

[Anonymous]

I hear you.

Unless you’ve been there, you don’t understand the total loss of hopes and dreams.

You just have to build new ones, I guess 🙁

[HunkyDory]

Hi honey it wasn’t a stupid dream it was what you were led to believe was true. It’s fine to grieve for that, if you don’t you’ll carry it and it’ll weigh you down. Grieve, get counseling if you can, read up on recovery & the grieving process and look after yourself, treat yourself and you’ll begin to see a new life open up for you, just a different path. Xx

[ssid]

Hello again cassandra

Personally I think crying would be the best thing you could do to soothe your broken heart

I remember being devastated over a miscarriage and knowing he would be cruel to me if I cried.

I went and hid, disappeared for the night and truly howled the loss of my pregnancy. It was such a reliese to unburden this way and it put the loss in the past. I thought I would never stop, but of course I did and although I did have some brief further tears, there weren’t many and emotionally I moved forward. It was very healing.

Please don’t be afraid to unburden, it helped me so much, as has crying over the loss of what I thought our relationship was what I thought wehad and the loss of the future. I was told the same as you.

Let it go.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Cassandra

It is perfectly normal to want to cry for the loss of the relationship. You will go through the five stages of grief regardless of his cruelty, because grief is not about kindness or cruelty, it is about loss. You have lost a loved one, his love and dreams certainly were not authentic but your love was genuine, your dreams together with him, the idea to spend the rest of your life together all shattered, of course it makes you cry. Cry my dear, cry your heart out, you’ve got all the permission in the world to do so.

You will see that the practical stuff needing sorting out is easy compared to the emotional turmoils, so if your tears are coming out now, pls let them run free, it is thousand times better than feeling numb. Because crying is releasing your pain, you’ll feel better afterwards, remember as a child after a good cry you are able to even laugh again.

Allow space for your grief but do grieve safely, without contacting him, not sharing your grief with him, it is your grief not his that needs processing. Stay safe, stay No Contact.

I also want to tell you that anything is possible at almost any age.
You just take care of yourself right now and who knows what the future might bring you! And if having a family is your dream then that might be still possible, you don’t even need a man per say, just his best swimmers 😉 We have a healthy strong happy alert baby of 7 months in the day care (detail removed by moderator) and his mother is 46 years old. Yes. Four six!! It’s her first one and he is so healthy. Everything’s possible.

Grieve darling, now you are allowed to feel how you wish without having to hide anymore, you are free and safe.
Sending you hugs 💕

[Anonymous]

Its okay to cry. You don’t need anyone’s permission. That’s one thing you have now. Not having to ask permission to feel things.

[Author]

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