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    • #163089

      I’m an occasional poster, going to try to be here more as I’m feeling quite lonely.
      After many years of no contact I have had to contact my abuser regarding a financial matter that needs resolving. They do not know my address or telephone number but it’s been upsetting enough communicating by screen.
      I’m now thinking that I should update my home and personal security, maybe some outdoor lighting etc. I’ve also done some self defence classes as my abuser is a (detail removed by Moderator) and would be difficult to escape if they chose to become physically violent.
      I haven’t been able to speak to any local helplines or even get through to the police on web chat or 101. My local domestic violence service just keep telling me to see a local solicitor but they can’t advise on things like my personal security.
      I’m sorry to bring up a sad topic but it would be useful to have suggestions of things that other people have found reassuring.

    • #163142
      Main Moderator

      Hi swanlake,

      Thank you for sharing with us, I hope it is helping to post on the forum. I am sorry to hear you haven’t been able to contact local helplines or police web chat so far, please do keep trying when you can as unfortunately the services can be very busy.

      You may want to contact Victim Support regarding home and personal security advice: https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/

      You could also chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

      Keep posting when you can,

      Best wishes,


    • #163144

      Thank you for your reply. The Victim Support people have sent a brochure of items that might be useful. I’m not sure that they can do much as regards personal or home security now that my abuser doesn’t know where I live, without a recent threat or instance of physical violence. We’ll see what happens as the financial matters progress and how nasty things might get. The unknown is scary.

    • #163570

      I got free home security and personal safety devices.
      Have you thought of lawyer for financial issues?
      I cut communication with ex long ago because it was just abuse and lies.

    • #163783

      Also there is free lawyer services that help out where I am if you cannot afford a lawyer. They would point you in right direction

    • #163792

      Thank you for your replies StrongLife. Solicitors won’t touch my case with a ten foot pole as there’s no guarantee that they’ll get paid from the resolution of the case and I have a low income so won’t be able to pay them.
      I’ve had a free half hour from a solicitor but haven’t been able to access other free services. Everything is so oversubscribed and underfunded. No answer from telephone services and there are law clinics in the next town but it’s so far to travel to probably get turned away due to all the slots for that day being already taken by people able to queue up from dawn.
      I haven’t been able to access free equipment either. A local charity sent me a brochure but then said that there was very limited availability and I might not get anything that I requested.
      I don’t know what would be most helpful for me. My abuser has the skills to get through locked doors and windows and I’m not sure how to defend myself against that. It’s from their previous employment and you really don’t want people like my abuser in those kinds of industries.
      Having moaned about all that, it’s a busy time of year so maybe fewer people will have the time to try their luck at the law clinic. And a local security systems company could be the best people to advise against how to protect myself from a rogue person in a similar profession so their advice could be priceless.

    • #163873

      I hear you on lack of funds for security from services. It really is difficult for domestic violence funding

      They seem to want cctv vision but hard to get when these things are so costly. Good on you for finding resources as you have stated here especially the self defence. It’s hard to find.

    • #163884

      Ring doorbell has been amazing. I feel so much safer and would highly recommend saving to get one. But worth every penny.
      Do your neighbours have security cameras?
      I’m lucky that mine does and the footage is so clear. It’s definitely helped make me feel safer.
      And assisted in getting a non mol

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