Phone Bill

[Janedoeissad]

I am keeping an eye on the bills of the house I lived in with my Ex. They are all in my name and I want to make sure they are all accurate and hes not taking the p**s. I regret this now.

I just looked at the itemised phone bill and he has been calling Mental Health and different counselling charities. I googled the numbers as at first I thought he was running up a big bill calling numbers he shouldn’t.

I don’t want to go back to him and I know reaching out to him might actually make things worse for him. Why would he want to speak to the person who caused his pain (even if that pain is his own fault)? Plus I know how angry he can be and I don’t want to be shouted at or called names.

I know his family are no support. I just wish I could do something to help whilst not doing anything which could hurt me. If that makes sense.

[KIP.]

He is not your responsibility. Do not get hooked back in. For all you know he’s telling them all about you causing his problems. He needs to offload onto someone. My ex was expert at playing the victim when it suited him. Put me back in a room with him and there would only be one person left standing and it would not be me. I think you should cancel any phone or untilites in your name if you are not living there. Never underestimate these men. You need to cut all ties. They see generosity and kindness as a weakness.

[Serenity]

I agree with KIP.

He’s trying to play the victim, rather than take responsibility for how he’s treated you. It’s easier for him to do this.

He could be telling people on those helplines all kinds of lies and, worse, as he’s telling the lies, believing them himself.

It’s just another example of him putting himself at the centre of the universe.

These abusers need a captive and kind audience. Who better than a helpline worker, who doesn’t really know him.

You aren’t responsible for him. His only chance of becoming a half-decent human being is for him to become responsible for himself.

[Janedoeissad]

Thanks ladies.

I hadn’t thought about how he could be portraying himself to the people on those phone lines. I bet he never told them he threatened me or that he told me I was stupid.

KIP I agree, I know if i went back into a room with him it would be all my fault. Not his. I would come out feeling like rubbish. I need to get stuff sorted but I have a feeling that will kick off the real demon in him as I really feel he liked the house more than he liked me. He liked having a certain level of lifestyle, which I will be removing when I tell him to get out so I can sell. I have decided to take a week to gather my strength then get started on it. I cannot leave it forever.

Serenity, that is such a good point. He needs to take responsibility for what has happened in his life, he never saw that he was responsible for anything that happened, it was always someone elses fault. Mainly mine! Or some other poor woman. He always saw women as lesser beings. Lets see how he feels when I tell him to get out of that house quick so I can sell it. I am the only reason he is able to stay there.

This incident threw me a bit as for the last few weeks I’ve been doing very well. Some days I didn’t even think of him and when I did it was only decided when I was going to kick him out of that house.

[Tiffany]

I agree that you need your names off these bills asap. It should be fairly easy to do as they are in your name only. It’s not an unreasonable thing to do when you are gone. And dealing with his phone bills in contact that you don’t need. He will absolutely be playing the victim! Don’t get sucked in. It’s hoovering.

[Author]

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