Photos

[Tiffany]

I was feeling strong today and finally deleted most of the photos of my ex. Everything off my old phone, and most of what was on my harddrive. I got a bit stuck with the group shots though. It was easy enough if it was just him (delete) or him with one other person (crop or delete). But I don’t know what to do with the family Christmas photos with my entire extended family and him. Or that great gig I went to with my uni friends and him. I don’t want to have to lose those photos and memories, just because he was there. On the other hand, seeing photos of him still makes me feel physically sick with anxiety. I have quarantined them for now, to deal with another time. But I would really appreciate some support from people who really get what a job like that is like. I have been doing well lately, but looking at the photos in order to identify what to delete definitely put me back on the rollercoaster. Particularly the photos where we look so happy, and all I can remember is the emotional abuse once we got home, how I had ruined whatever event we had been at, how I had to learn to keep my mouth shuthow difficult I was to be with, and me just crying and crying.

[Janedoeissad]

If he is on the edge of the photo, is there a way of chopping him out?

I would look thought your other photos and see if there is another picture of that kind available. For example, do you have a whole family photo without him? In which case get rid of the family photo with him in it. I would probably find it hard to get rid of the photo if it had a deceased relative on it. In which case I would find a way to keep the picture but photoshop him out or something.

For me, I would not want to remember any event me and my Ex went to or I pretend he wasn’t there when I remember. I have found going back to those places and having fun with others, taking new photos and creating memories where I am genuinely happy are far more important to me.

I hate the photos with me and him in, as I will remember vividly what really went on that evening and that the event wasn’t fun. In certain photos I have literally been crying 10 minutes before. Others I hide behind sun glasses as my eyes were red with crying.

The only photos I kept where of the scenery, concert stages or other non people related things. That way I remember what I need to of the event.

Sorry that’s probably not helpful but I really want to move on and to me, keeping photos holds me back.

[Tiffany]

I think I will probably delete more in the future. I was pretty brutal at cropping him out of everything that could easily be cropped, but the less easy stuff was… Less easy… Like you I was just remembering how utterly awful it actually was rather than the nice faces I plastered on for being our. I am pretty sure I am not going to change my mind. I have other photos of the ex before last, and they made me smile, because although he wasn’t ultimately the right guy for me, we had nice times together. And I think that I will feel the same about my new man even if we don’t work out. But I can’t imagine ever forgiving my abuser enough to even want to remember the handful of times he wasn’t a complete b*****d.

It’s still triggering even several days later though, so I am not ready to tackle the last photos. They are limited to a handful of folders and I can just ignore them for now.

[Author]

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