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Sorry if this is a silly question but the following happened & are just a few incidents of what he did all the time. Finger nails like razor blades, I winced, I asked could he please cut them, he moved did & I was pathetic for mentioning it. I’d (detail removed by moderator), he purposely knocked my foot & I was in excruciating pain, I said without thinking “you c…” He yelled “your the selfish c… for not opening your legs when I tell you too” The last few months there I had been really brave & said no, He had joined dating websites the year before. I had got myself in such a dreadful state year before leaving I’d started being physically sick, He would still expect sex however Ill I was. I’d wake up in the middle of the night because he’d penetrated me with his penis again during bouts of me being physically ill & in pain! If I did not let him I would be punished with silent treatment up to 2 weeks at a time. He constantly pulled hair, so roughly grabbed my breasts, grabbed the top of my legs so hard it hurt, when I winced in pain I was told I was pathetic, couldn’t take a joke & that I had something wrong with me! He just never cared about physical pain so long as he has satisfaction. I barely ever did & had become so scared of him & his anger out of nowhere that I just let him in the end, cried relentlessly after where he never knew! He would often expose himself vilely saying scolding lyrics (removed by moderator). Now after years with him I feel like I was an unpaid prostitute who he did not care he physically & emotionally hurt time after time. Am I so stupid to believe it was in fact physical abuse too x
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No, it was physical and even sexual abuse.
When so hot my non-mol, they asked me if he’d ever been physically abusive. I hesitated because he’s never given me a black eye, or beaten me blank and blue. However, he had grabbed me roughly in a leery way and in bed, even giving me bruises sometimes; he’d slapped my backside so hard as he walked past and when I said it hurt, he told me I was being stupid, that he was joking. When I told the National Centre for Domestic Vioence this when trying to get my non-mol, they included all of it in the report: I naively used to tell myself that my ex didn’t know his own strength and didn’t know how much he was hurting me ( he had a physical job and had strong muscles), but the NCDV said he would have known how much force he was putting into every slap and grab, just as you or I do. My ex feigned ignorance.
It was very upsetting for me to realise that he knew he was hurting me and was pretending not to know.
My ex was also crude and unhinged when it came to sexual stuff – exposing himself ‘in apparent jest’ and saying crude things, and getting angry if I didn’t say yes to sex. One of the reasons he may have left or had an affair( as I think he did) was because I could not bear him to touch me in the last few months. Why would I? He was a monster to everyone. Yet he still felt entitled. He did things that left me in pain, too.
It’s all part of their horrible, vile, entitled, immoral way of behaving. They ignore all respectful boundaries.
Humiliating me sexually and treating me like a piece of meat was what my ex did. I was married for a long time, and cannot remember him kissing me tenderly even once. All I got was groping, leering, slapping and pinching.
I’m glad you’re away from him, Blueberry. x
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Hi Serenity I just feel so unbelieved, I had to contact the police months ago as he’d scared the hell out of me using threats, one of the questions was when had I last had sex with him I said months before I left, I was the same as you, couldn’t bare his near me in the end because years I’d suffered terribly, it was treated as “Oh he didn’t rape you then” the policeman didn’t say that but was definitely implied. Now again I feel I could never be sexually active again as he was so vile in a sexual manner, He would often make vile sexually related comments when say I was preparing or eating food, like I’ve got some cream you can put on that if you want it. I know all of what he did was dv/abuse, He’d always been the same & I put it down to he was just different to the other relationships I’d had.,
I do blame myself as after leaving I’d said to the GP He has retraumatised all previous trauma going back to my childhood which has included sexual & physical abuse, with my abuser he would now say & has said I was sexually damaged!!! I no one has ever said that before only him. When in the end I just let him it reminded me exactly of having to let sexual abuse happen as a child, so therefore now think all the abuse I’ve suffered must be my fault as I was too weak to stop it & allowed it through fear of the consequences if I didn’t. I’M greatly relieved I left too, just didn’t expect the haunting I re live day night x
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