Playing mind games

[Confused123]

I swear my ex really knows how to p**s me off, has started playing emotional games with the boys agaain, my youngest has broken contact with his dad from what i know, they havent spoken for 1-2 weeks which for me is great, he has now managed to wind me up , sure he does know, but can’t confirm , is being rude with certain members of his family not to have no contact with my eldest son, when he know s my son wants contact with them

[lover of no contact]

Hi confused,

Its bad enough when the abusers are cruel to us but when they emotionally hurt our children that is so painful. I hate to see my children hurt by life in general, I want to protect them from pain in any shape and form. It is so hard when the person hurting them is their own father.

My abuser mum would bad mouth about me to family members and their attitude towards me would change and it hurt..alot.

My abuser-ex bad-mouths one of my adult-children to her siblings and to his family (when he is abusing her) and these family members can take on his negative attitude towards her. At least I have awareness around the dynamic so I can be extra warm and loving towards her.

At least you can see what is going on and the mind games he is playing so you can align yourself with your son and not against him (as some may unwittingly do who fall prey to the abuser’s manipulations).

I think your recovery and awareness will hopefully counterbalance your son’s dads toxicity. Love and kindness is a stronger force than abuse and cruelty. Your son will get that from you. And you have the knowledge and awareness too which is powerful.

And you have our support when abuser starts upping his tactics.

[Serenity]

Hi Confused,

It’s both exhausting and tedious at the same time, isn’t it? As well as very upsetting.

Every so often, they will up their game. It may be due to something we have done to stand up to them, or it might very well just be that something negative is happening in their own life and we are the first target – or our children, in order to hurt us ( wasn’t that always the way? Wasn’t their abuse just them taking their frustrations out on us, though they pretended we were the cause?).

I know the horrible feeling you get when they start yet another round of trouble-making. I sympathise.

All we can do, Confused, is be the ‘still point’ in all the drama and chaos they try to create. Take a deep breath, carry on being ourselves, sticking by our values. And at times like this, take life gently and spoil ourselves a little- if not least to remind ourselves that it’s not our fault.

Hugs x

[Confused123]

Hi Ladies

Have had time to reflect it overnight,we cant stop what they do but we do have control over how we respond, my youngest is just as upset that his dad is choosing to do this to his eldest brother and what better result then for my youngest to say i will give him peace of mind when i do decide to eventually pick up the phone, have explained to my eldest that this is what happened and its upto indiividuals if they wish to remain in touch or not

[Author]

Posts