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To summarise a long story, me and my partner have been together over (detail removed by moderator) & not had many issues. He started suffering from mental health issues in lockdown and became abusive – always verbal & emotional.
I recently asked him to move out, which surprisingly he agreed to, I just needed some space because I couldn’t take it anymore. Since then he has gone to the Drs to start on anti depressants and is speaking to a therapist – all of these things I asked him to do since the start of the year.
He is now being very remorseful and overly apologetic. Saying he is sorting himself out and is doing everything he can. I feel awful for even thinking this but I just can’t help think he’s playing the victim now – he’s saying he’s not eating and sleeping, he feels weak from the medication, he now has a diagnosed mental health issue which explains what’s going on.
Am I awful for thinking that he’s playing the victim here? He didn’t care about how his actions impacted me until they had a consequence for him. Quite frankly he never thought I would kick him out so I think he’s now realised what he has done.
I know he is a very good manipulator and he has his family fooled but I just don’t believe him, if all this abuse was caused by a mental health issue surely he would have done it to everyone around him and not just me?
Does anyone have experience of their abuser playing the victim? -
It’s very common for them to play the victim and also to blame us. You’ve known him for years so trust your gut. He’s now using emotional abuse. Mental health is not an excuse for domestic abuse. He chooses to abuse. At the end of the day if you’re unhappy in the relationship you don’t have to justify ending it to anyone. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven x he can sort himself out away from you, he’s an adult and he’s not your responsibility.
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You say you know he’s a very good manipulator, this sound like youve had experience of this from him, abusers are liars. Are you sure he’s actually going to the gp and therapist and remember you have no idea what’s he’s telling them. Usually they blame and discredit us so that when the truth comes out we are looked at as the guilty party.
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Yes, absolutely. All the time. Still does to my extended former birth family.
After leaving it was a bit like peeling back layers of an onion as lie after lie came gradually to light.
So you are right to doubt every word he says.
No, you are not going ‘mad’ or losing your sanity, that is just what they want you to believe.
Trust your instincts. Activate the ‘fact finding’ part of your brain.
Check what you are being told with trusted sources.
And then follow your gut.
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And what KIP said.
Yes, it is what they call a ‘set up’. They say one thing to you to your face.
And quite another to your loved ones. To create confusion and alienate you.
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