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    • #163582
      AloneWolf
      Participant

      I need to know that life can actually get better. Please someone tell me it gets better. I left but I have been so depressed and upset since. I feel like when I was with him at least there were *some* good moments. I haven’t had a good moment since I left. I’m heartbroken đź’” I keep crying all the time. I can’t sleep. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted and I can’t pull myself out of this. I know he doesn’t care, he doesn’t love me, he hurt me over and over again and if I had stayed it would have got worse, not better. I know that. But I can’t live life like this. I’m on medication and having some counselling, it’s not helping. Please give me some hope.

    • #163587
      wildandfree
      Participant

      Oh AloneWolf, I feel for you, I really do. I completely understand the grief and loss and confusion.
      I was very much like you when I left, absolutely heartbroken. I think I cried every day for weeks, if not months. Sometimes those silent screaming cries when you can’t feel anything but pain. It is grief. But the grief of leaving an abusive relationship is so confused.

      I know it hurts right now, but it does get better. So , so much better. It is not instant, but gradually you can look at your life and know that you did the right thing.
      I look at my life now and it is what I imagined life to actually be like – I am free to do what I wish, I no longer go to bed scared. In fact, the burden of low level fear that was my life is no longer there. And although I lost so many things from my old life (things, family, friends) they have been replaced, but what I have now is so much better. And although there is a little ball of grief and anger that I carry around, I would never go back. I have made a life that is mine and I love it.
      So please keep moving forward. you didn’t deserve what happened to you, but you do deserve a happy life!!

      (I found various books helped me to understand what I went though and to know that it was not my fault – look at Lundy Bancroft, and also Was it even abuse? by Emma Rose Byham. That might help)

      Sending you strength and love

    • #163597
      Intr0vert
      Participant

      I’m so sorry youre going through this. I am going through it too.. Honestly you just need to let yourself grieve the relationship. Surround yourself with friends and family and keep talking about it. Yesterday I felt like I was losing my mind and started reminiscing on “good times”. This does not help at all. You need to remind yourself why things ended and find the strength to keep away. It is for your own happiness. I know it is hard to see now but I really believe it will get better. Keep talking about it to whoever is willing to listen, we are all here x

    • #163600
      AloneWolf
      Participant

      Thank you so much for your replies. This forum is saving my life, honestly x*x

      • #163638
        wildandfree
        Participant

        You’re not alone here. Keep posting whenever you need.
        Wishing you all the very best. Sunny days are coming.

    • #163650
      Lostnalone
      Participant

      Alonewolf thanks for writing this!! I’m struggling at the moment with exactly the same feelings. It might sound stupid but I can speak easily about what im going through. However I struggle writing my feelings down!! Hope everyone is well. Sending all my love đź’“

    • #163780
      StrongLife
      Participant

      Things are scary initially. It does calm down. Things do arise from time to time though as they do in life. Good times and bad. I have a quiet house – no abuse, yelling, free from screaming etc quiet.
      It is very different and over time you learn things to that helps out.

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