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    • #169012
      Freedom12345
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      I’m new to this website, i am (detail removed by Moderator) years free. It took me to move away and start fresh, but I feel stuck. I can’t move forward, I have so much data showing what he done to me, I really want to contact the police again but I’m scared it would cause me more problems. But how do you deal with them walking free?
      I had a terrible experience with the police last time, they couldn’t be bothered to go through the amount of messages that shows the horrific abuse and I was under his spell and withdrew my statement.

    • #169015
      Marmalade
      Participant

      Hi Freedom12345,
      It is hard getting your life back together after an abusive relationship and I know v well the feeling of being stuck and the anger of seeing the perpetrator swanning around having seemingly got away with it.
      But it is a v big decision to reopen old wounds. To report a long time after the events is a decision that is personal and only you can make. That may bring you closure and justice if it all works out which would be good, but there is also the risk it will trigger further abuse (only you will know the likely reaction of your abuser) and will plunge you back into the abuse memories. You also need to consider how you would feel if the police dismiss you again, or listen to you, but do not take the matter further. You would need to be prepared for those eventualities. Police reactions vary enormously from force to force. Some ladies on this forum have had a v supportive and positive response. I, like you, had a terrible experience and it badly set my recovery back. So I would always caution having realistic expectations and being prepared for a range of responses.
      Do you have any practical support and advice? Are you in contact with your local DA agency? If you do not know who they are then Livechat can give you the details for your area. They may be able to advise you, or at least point you to local support. There is also the Freedom Programme which runs in some parts of the country and also runs online courses. If there is one in your area, you can meet with other women who have had similar experiences. You could also seek counselling. Your GP may be able to refer you, or there is online counselling offered by Bloom.
      Whatever you decide about reporting, the best practical response to your abuser is to live your best life to show that they have not destroyed you, that you are back in control of your own life and destiny.
      Good luck with whatever you decide to do, just think it all through carefully before deciding what is best for you.

    • #169017
      Freedom12345
      Participant

      Thank you, I just feel so silenced. Even reading that reply. Why should we be scared of their reaction when they took so much from us.

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