Please help me

[Flyflyaway]

I’ve been in a relationship for (Detail removed by moderator) now. At first I wasn’t interested in a relationship with my current partner as I was trying to focus on me and my daughter after being diagnosed with GAD from a previous abusive relationship a couple of years before.

My partner was addiment he wanted to be with me, even when knowing that I wasn’t ready for a relattionship. I rejected him on numerous occasions, but in the end I gave in because he seemed to be interested in me for me, he was always easy to talk to, kind and caring, always tried to make me laugh, acted like a true gent ( opening doors, wouldn’t let me pay for dates, planned romantic nights in with a lot of thought, the list is endless.

Slowly things would happen, he would ask me to take days of work sick to be with him. On (Detail removed by moderator) I worked intill (Detail removed by moderator) and didn’t fill up to going out as was planned as I had work the next day at (Detail removed by moderator) but he went mental as it was his group of friends so I felt guilty and went. Whilst being in the club On (Detail removed by moderator) I bumped in to a guy I once dated, who i wasnt aware was there but he igknowledge me, walked up to me and (Detail removed by moderator). My boyfriend went mental shouting then wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night intill i was leaving.(Detail removed by moderator) my friend came over mine and asked me to the pub to have (Detail removed by moderator) drink, which we did but then it closed so she persuaded me to have a couple more in a different pub, which I said yes to. I bump in to my partners friend whist being there, and he phoned up my partner to come and join but when he found out I was there he jumped in a a taxi and said things were over as I didn’t let him know I went to a different pub, and that I was just like his ex who cheated on him. I said that’s fine, but then he apologise and begged to be with me. He gave me herpes type 1, knowing he had it and not telling me. He would come to my work unexpected on a few occasions to give me lunch (which at the time i thought was cute) I believe it was to Check up on me. He wouldn’t allow me to get lifts home from other colleagues so would have a taxi waited for me everytime, i wasnt allowed to socialize with collugues either otherwise their would be jealous and arguments. I toke him in when he lost his job and home, which only got worse he makes arguments up everyday, he keeper telling me to quit my job so I did as I couldn’t deal with the stress anymore. He’s now in a job that I helped him get into, I done his c.v from scratch and wrote in his application form. I get asked what im doing every moment.ive lost all of my confidence and self esteem and my anxiety is going crazy. I’m now suffering from acne,ibs, abnormal cells in my cervix…. I’ve got so much to say. Please someone help Me!!!

[backtome]

Oh flyflyaway this sounds awful! You’ve done the right thing in reaching out for help. Try to give Women’s Aid a call when you can talk things through with them, they’ll help you come up with a plan.

I don’t have an awful lot of advice, but just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and this forum is amazing for advice and as a sounding board. Keep posting. *hugs* x

[fridges]

Hello, flyflyway,
I’m sorry to tell you, but this man sounds like bad news. His behaviour is not ok. You need to distance yourself and focus on yourself, like you did the first time. But this time you need to heal properly. Call the help line, that you reached here, it is already a big step.
X

[Flyflyaway]

He slags of my friends and family all the time. One of my friends he wouldn’t let me see for (Detail removed by moderator)months, I had enough so I started to see her in secretly. He calls my sister a s**t because she’s a (Detail removed by moderator) student, he’s called my brother a w****r but to his face he’s nice as pie. One night we had a argument that he forced and he said my daughter deserves better then me and said I don’t know how your daughters dad put up with you for so long. He deleted numbers off my phone with out me knowing and won’t let me go on Facebook. At the start of the relationship we mutually agreed to watch no porn, I was even band from watching anything with (Detail removed by moderator) in and (Detail removed by moderator) as before I met him I had a picture with (Detail removed by moderator) from a meet and greet but when I went on his phone to Google something he had loads of porn sites and what hurt the most was he was watching it when I had my (Detail removed by moderator) procedure and was not allowed no sex for 6weeks, but I forced my self to have sex at 4weeks to make him happy. Since then I feel like adifferent person, i keep wanted to check his phone and I get jealous inside when I see a beautiful confident woman, that I once believe I was

[Flyflyaway]

I feel trapped, he’s from (Detail removed by moderator) so doesn’t have family here. He’s only got two friends who live in bedsits. I love him and honestly I don’t know why anymore, so I’m scared what would happen, I couldnt see him homeless. In a way I feel like it’s my responsibility to look out for him being in a feign country.

[backtome]

He is NOT your responsibility, he is a grown man no matter what country he is in. He is fully aware of his actions and the way he is treating you is appalling. Please try to speak to Women’s Aid when you can, they can go through your personal circumstances and help you make a plan, you need to be away from this “man”. x

[Flyflyaway]

Thank you for your speedy replys, I really appreciate it. sorry for my messages being all over the place or it’s hard to understand them. Just so much has happened and I’m all over the place myself i dont know where to begin.i will call and ask for help xx

[backtome]

I understand what you mean. Your thoughts will settle eventually and you’ll be able to think clearly and logically and make a plan. Good luck and keep us updated on how things go. x

[Flyflyaway]

My friend who I didn’t see for awhile said I can stay with her and put his stuff out when he’s at work but I’m scared of his reaction, I’m scared as I’m finacally screwed. The overlap in rent I will have to pay. I’m scared of my anxiety getting worse, it was easier the first time around with my ex as he had his mum’s to go to and he quickly forgot about me (Detail removed by moderator)days after being in a new relationship. And at that time as much as it hurt I can remember thinking as long as he’s with her, he can’t hurt me anymore so I grew again but I don’t know if I can get through this time xx

[Flyflyaway]

I feel pathetic. I’m a mum I should be strong but all that I think about everyday is trying not to upset him or escaping. Has anyone had a similar situation where your partner is so angry your afraid to leave?? But at the same time you don’t want to because it’s your home and not his Xx

[Flyflyaway]

And then theirs the denial, of thinking he will change and that he will love me like he used to and that I love him. I clearly need help, I ment to be having counselling sessions in a few months time,I’m on the waiting list.

[backtome]

If the property is in your sole name you could flee and then have police remove him, or wait until he’s not there and change the lock (this is what I did but I own my property) then call police if he tries to come back in the house. If the house is in joint names then it’s still possible but you will need to get some legal advice on the best action to take. These are all things that WA and Rights of Women could help you with.

You are NOT pathetic – I’m a mum too and I have a successful job and own my own home and in all other areas of my life I’m strong and independent. It can happen to any of us and we all need a little help. x

[KIP.]

Google the cycle of abuse and trauma bonding. These were real eye openers. Try to remember he chooses to behave this way x

[Flyflyaway]

Thank you backtome, I was reading your boards from a while ago last night. It seems a little similar to mine, (homelessness ect) which has helped me think a little clearer. You inspire me on how far you’ve came x

[Author]

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