Please help :-( wits end

[Starmom]

Hi there,
I am new to this forum. And a bit on edge about posting. I suffer with really bad anxiety as well so please bear with me. I’ve been with my partner for (detail removed by Moderator) years. From pretty much the beginning of the relationship things weren’t the best. But we got pregnant really early. It was the little things I noticed at the start the moods the jealousy the. Some
Calling things like that. Back in (detail removed by Moderator) he went abroad leaving me and our (detail removed by Moderator) old
Daughter back at home. He left on the terms we were no longer together and he didn’t care. He went away for (detail removed by Moderator). I was suffering with real bad post natal depression with spiralled due to my anxiety. Whilst he was away I found comfort in another. He got back and was all I’ve missed you can we try again and all that. But told him about the other guy. Since then it’s been awful. He’s threatened to take the kids away, he’s called me names the recent one being a prostiture. One evening it got that bad it came to blows. He got in my face so I pushed him
Away and scratched his face so he pinned me
Up the door by my throat. I’ve tried to leave so many times. But he insists on having our shared rented house and me and the kids have to leave. 🙁 feel at my wits end. Today he bought me a gift and bcos of this wanted “an enjoyable evening”. I didn’t finish work until (detail removed by Moderator) and was (detail removed by Moderator) by the time I got home. I’m exhausted. Now he’s moody and miserable bcos we didn’t do the deed. He is constantly going on about oral sex and how he doesn’t get it. Since all the name calling and everything I’ve just lost that “drive” am I going mad? Or is it abuse? I’ve no idea anymore. Nor what to do 🙁 people tell me to leave. But it’s not that simple. I have nowhere to go 🙁 any advice would be amazing x*x

[Dragonfly]

Hey starmom. Yes it is most definitely abuse. It’s not right and you’re miserable and probably scared. I can only suggest phoning the helpline. They can give you support and advice especially re housing etc.

He can’t take children away! Please call and talk to someone.

[KIP.]

Hey there, welcome to this wonderful forum full of supportive survivors. Please ring the helpline or contact your local women’s aid. There is also a good book called ‘Living with the Dominator’, by Pat Craven. It will show you how abusive men use tactics to control you. You are most definately not going mad and if you read other posts on here you will see that most of these men are very similar and have shockingly similar behaviour. I didn’t want to have sex with my ex. No wonder. How would anyone want to be intimate with someone who hurts them. Please speak to your GP and tell her about him grabbing you by the throat. You may be able to get a non molestation order through the civil courts to have him removed from the property. You can call Rights for Women who offer free legal advice. I’m afraid he is not going anywhere. What a horrible man to allow you and your children to have to move so that he is not inconvenienced! These men are selfish liars. Don’t believe a word he says.

[Serenity]

Hi Starmom,

I agree with all the other ladies- it’s horrendous abuse.

My ex used to go on about not getting the certain kind of sex he wanted- after abandoning me frequently, being unkind, moody and aggressive.

In an abuser’s deluded mind, they are all-powerful and all-important. But it’s not reality. There are many supportive organisations and legal systems in place to protect people ( especially women and children) from those kinds of bullies.

Calling Women’s Aid set in motion a series of events which changed my life and enabled me to escape a monster who also told me he would take everything away from me. He’s not managed to- despite me becoming very unwell with PTSD- and that’s simply because I reached out for help and got all the support I could x

[Anonymous]

Hi, yes it is definitely abuse, of cause you are anxious, probably terrified too, please phone the helpline, speak to your GP please don’t suffer in silence, abusers always make you feel guilty for everything, like it is your fault, it is not your fault & you have children, which places huge responsibility on you, not only do you have to keep yourself safe, but your children too. Abusers use every fear tactic they can you keep you in your place & scared to tell anyone for fear or not being believed. Your first step has to be telling the advice line what has happened & what is happening. I suffered severe anxiety when with him, through many major traumas, his relentless abuse on top, in the end I had given up the will to live, I am still here though, still fighting severe anxiety & depression but thankfully alive, all be it seriously ill, but I now know I could never have recovered nor could my now adult son until away from living around a serious abuser. PLEASE reach out & seek professional help, no one should live in doubt or live in fear. Xx

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