Please talk some sense into me

[Anonymous]

He’s agreed to leave!!!! He’s agreed to b****y leave the family home!!! Its taken forever to get here.

And now I find…I don’t want to let go.

I don’t want him to leave. I just want him to like me and be kind to me and love me…or maybe just not be completely mean to me all the time. I don’t want it to end this way, I want it to be fixed. I want him to respect me and smile at me and desire me and not roll his eyes at literally everything I say. That’s all.

I’ve gone mad. This is all I wanted: freedom. But now I just want peace.

[Cantmakedecisons]

I think this is a normal way to feel, a sort of grieving!

I’m leaving within the week and I too am struggling with these feelings.

All I can say is, what you want (for him to be kind, loving etc) won’t happen and he will revert to being abusive.

If it’s not now that he leaves it will be further down the line – don’t printing the inevitable.

Hugs and strength x

[Hazydayz]

Hello Sande, it’s normal what your feeling, your in shock! You never thought this would happen? You haven’t gone mad, and you will have peace eventually, but there’s more to feel yet before you truelly feel you have your freedom. Good luck and best wishes to you💞

[KIP.]

These men are liars so don’t believe a word he says. Mine did the same and had no intention of going anywhere, had me running round looking at properties for him. More fool me. He’s hoping you will weaken and change your mind. Buying time for him to wear you down and change your mind. If he’s agreed to go then get him out now. I bet he comes up with some excuse.

[Wants To Help]

Hi Sande,

Please let him go. He may actually just be playing with your emotions, testing you, just to see how you react, to see if you really are willing for him to walk out that door. If he finds out that you are then he may decide not to, that he’s not going to give you what you want after all, that he is going to be the one that continues to hold the power.

If he does leave? That’s great. It gives you some breathing space. But his leaving will bring about change, and as humans, most of us don’t like ‘change’. It means we have to start doing things differently, think differently, take on different tasks, a different lifestyle, it requires a different type of effort, and when we’re exhausted, everything is too much effort. When we’re faced with change we sometimes start to panic, panic about how we will cope, the unknown, and then, we get so scared we think that it’s best just to stay the way we were. At least we know what to expect with the way things were, and we have learned to manage with the way things were.

During my journey through abuse I read a great book called Who Moved My Cheese? by Dr Spencer Johnson.
It’s all about change and uses a great analogy on how different types of people deal with change. For me, it was one of those ‘life changing’ reads, and I no longer fear change. That doesn’t mean that change is easy, and sometimes it hasn’t worked out for the best, but I have learned not to fear or resist it and to give it a go. Mostly, my changes have been for the best.

If you are currently in fear of your present, please don’t fear your future. The future may bring peace and happiness, your present is not.

[Author]

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