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    • #16619
      godschild
      Participant

      He has cut the grass (removed by moderator) , I have to be very careful as I have suffered with chest problems bronchitis for man years , so cut grass really affects me, I have had a bad chest for a few weeks now due to virus’s.
      He came back in with his hands full and as he came past I very quickly closed the door to protect myself from the pollen.
      He turned round very annoyed and said I could have closed the door, I said I needed to get it closed quickly and you have your hands full, he repeated but I could have closed it then he said you are just trying to control me !!!!!
      HOW by closing a door.
      He has never shown respect to my allergies never wnats to be put out by them himself, but why oh why can I not close a door without it being trying to control him, I know its nonsence bit need it confirmed in my head.
      I have to do something very difficult today with my agoraphobia and am trying to keep as calm as I can and now he has thrown this one.
      I said to him, I dont need this with what I have to do , he said I totally agree yet WAS stressing me, they talk in riddles.
      It like having a conversation with the two sides of him at once and he tells me im mentally ill , if I were would it be any wonder, but I know im not.
      He is always leaving the back door open even when its cold, has done for many many years, I have asked him not to and he still does yet today He wants to close it another big Urrrrgh

    • #16623
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Moving goal poststhat happens a lot here, What is right one day is not right the next. I think you have to ignore him when he is being like this and accept you can’t win. You do not have to validate anything.

      Today you are going to overcome a big thing and I am so happy for you, going out is hard and today will be difficult but you are going to do it and that in itself will make you feel stronger. xx

    • #16625
      godschild
      Participant

      Thankyou so much for encouragment, he is now going on and moaning that there are (removed by moderator)  evrywhere, it is actually my sandals to go out in an dmy slippers , more stress, im already on the verge of tears with doing what I am, but will overcome him xx

    • #16627
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Aww, Godschild, I am happy that you try! I hope you get some sunshine. Listen to the birds, they will make you happy. x*x

    • #16648
      godschild
      Participant

      I have never ever stopped trying Ayanna in the decades I have suffered,never once and it still gets no better but I will never give up, agree the birds are a delight to listen to , sorry to read all that you have gone through in your posts today, you are a real survivor xx

    • #16652
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Oh, then you were out and listened to the birds? I feed them. They are so much better than humans: no bad intentions, just straight forward natural survival instincts and delightful war songs.

    • #16654
      Serenity
      Participant

      He is the controller.

      My ex took offence that I asked him to visit me when I was seriously ill in hospital, because visiting me ate into his beer time. I also think he enjoyed making me feel neglected and worthless.

      I wouldn’t put it past your husband with his control issues to fee irritated by how he needs to be watchful of closing the door to protect you. They have zero empathy and hate being asked to be caring.

      • #16674
        godschild
        Participant

        So true ayanna

      • #16703
        godschild
        Participant

        You know their minds well Serenity, he get very irritated of any of my needs x

    • #16660

      Caring & my ex didn’t go together, i knew that I could not count on him to care & support me if i got ill, visit me or be concerned if i had a traffic accident or take on the burden of things If i were not well. This was such a red flag to me, it made me feel worthless. We need to feel loved and cared for and I rarely felt that.

    • #16673
      godschild
      Participant

      Thankyou for your input Ladies, it really helps

    • #16770
      Herindoors
      Participant

      Godschild, differant scenario, same reaction from my ex. I would do simple things like you just did and he would accuse me if trying to control him. But if, like you, I hadn’t shut that door myself and asked him to do it due to the pollen he would have accused me of nagging etc…you can’t win and there is no point trying xx

    • #16802
      godschild
      Participant

      You are spot on herindoors, he has complained in the past if I have asked him to close the door for whatever reason thankyou for posting, true which ever way we go we cannmot win xx

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