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He has cut the grass (removed by moderator) , I have to be very careful as I have suffered with chest problems bronchitis for man years , so cut grass really affects me, I have had a bad chest for a few weeks now due to virus’s.
He came back in with his hands full and as he came past I very quickly closed the door to protect myself from the pollen.
He turned round very annoyed and said I could have closed the door, I said I needed to get it closed quickly and you have your hands full, he repeated but I could have closed it then he said you are just trying to control me !!!!!
HOW by closing a door.
He has never shown respect to my allergies never wnats to be put out by them himself, but why oh why can I not close a door without it being trying to control him, I know its nonsence bit need it confirmed in my head.
I have to do something very difficult today with my agoraphobia and am trying to keep as calm as I can and now he has thrown this one.
I said to him, I dont need this with what I have to do , he said I totally agree yet WAS stressing me, they talk in riddles.
It like having a conversation with the two sides of him at once and he tells me im mentally ill , if I were would it be any wonder, but I know im not.
He is always leaving the back door open even when its cold, has done for many many years, I have asked him not to and he still does yet today He wants to close it another big Urrrrgh -
Moving goal poststhat happens a lot here, What is right one day is not right the next. I think you have to ignore him when he is being like this and accept you can’t win. You do not have to validate anything.
Today you are going to overcome a big thing and I am so happy for you, going out is hard and today will be difficult but you are going to do it and that in itself will make you feel stronger. xx
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He is the controller.
My ex took offence that I asked him to visit me when I was seriously ill in hospital, because visiting me ate into his beer time. I also think he enjoyed making me feel neglected and worthless.
I wouldn’t put it past your husband with his control issues to fee irritated by how he needs to be watchful of closing the door to protect you. They have zero empathy and hate being asked to be caring.
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Caring & my ex didn’t go together, i knew that I could not count on him to care & support me if i got ill, visit me or be concerned if i had a traffic accident or take on the burden of things If i were not well. This was such a red flag to me, it made me feel worthless. We need to feel loved and cared for and I rarely felt that.
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Godschild, differant scenario, same reaction from my ex. I would do simple things like you just did and he would accuse me if trying to control him. But if, like you, I hadn’t shut that door myself and asked him to do it due to the pollen he would have accused me of nagging etc…you can’t win and there is no point trying xx
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