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    • #133970

      I filled out a form on Clares Law on a police website – it means if he has a previous record of DV they will contact you. Mine came back negative although I know he’s done it to past relationships too (likely he’s far too clever/manipulative).

      Well anyway, now I have a policeman emailing and text me asking to discuss the fact I indicated there was possible domestic abuse occurring and I’m worried!! I never meant to discuss it with them only to find out if there was a record. I know that sounds silly now but I feel like it’s not enough or I haven’t got the evidence of the mental abuse/manipulative behaviour to warrant police time..

      I also worry he will find out and it will provoke him and the whole situation will get worse 🙁

      What would you do?

    • #134041
      Main Moderator

      Hi WhiskyRose,

      Thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed by the police contacting you. Have you been able to speak safely with them to explain your worries? Try not to doubt yourself- any abuse is wrong and you should be able to live your life without fear. If you would like some ongoing emotional and practical support with what you are going through then your local domestic abuse support service can be found via this link:

      Keep posting to us when you can.

      Take care,


    • #134042

      I think it’s a positive thing they’re contacting you. We often minimise abuse and normalise it. I know I did. If you feel like you can talk to them I think it’s definitely worth a try. They should be very aware of your safety. Perhaps you could talk to your local women’s aid and ask for support there. Someone To go with you.

    • #134050

      The police should be discreet to keep you safe. Your partner won’t know that you’ve spoken to them unless you tell him. I reported my ex to the police for a long, long time before they ‘invited’ him for an interview. It’s worth telling them that you don’t want them to contact him as it compromises your safety.

    • #134067
      Wants To Help

      Hi WhiskyRose,

      This is standard procedure for the Police to contact you and record an incident or crime if you have disclosed some concerns of abuse as being your reason for wanting a disclosure on his past. If you have disclosed that he has previously assaulted you in any way they will record a crime. If it is an assault that amounts to a common assault that is more than six months ago then it will be crimed and filed as it has passed the time limit of any prosecution for common assault. If it is a more serious assault/sexual assault they can still arrest him, or ask him to come in for a ‘voluntary interview’ based on your disclosure alone. You can refuse to give a statement, this will make it harder for them to take any further action after they have interviewed him, but some forces will insist on him being interviewed based on a disclosure only.

      If it is financial/emotional/psychological abuse (usually recorded as ‘verbal arguments/disagreements’) then these get recorded and filed. These can then be disclosed in future Clare’s Law requests. So, whatever the police record now after they have spoken to you it would be disclosed to the next lady who makes an enquiry about him.

    • #134087

      Sorry you’re experiencing this, it must’ve taken guts to make the request in the first place and you weren’t expecting all this. I’ve experienced similar and it feels like things are being taken out of your hands/control. As others have said they are contacting you to help you but if you aren’t ready for that or are scared it will make things worse then tell them that, but remember when you are ready they are there to help you.

    • #134237

      thank you all, I’ll have a good think and might talk to them but understand what they will do with the information first – thank you all for your perspectives!

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