Police did nothing!!

[Freetobethegreatest]

I posted on here earlier “so upset need to leave” well he started having a go at me about how i (removed by moderator) . It had been (removed by moderator) days from hell as he was off work. I was trying to spend some nice time with my kids we were (removed by moderator)  i asked him Please stop having a go at me im trying to have a nice time with the kids. He just carried on and on. I walked off he followed calling me names. I said ive had enough of this abuse im ringing the police. He chases me upstairs and takes my phone off (removed by moderator) . He keeps my phone and locks me in the bathroom saying (removed by moderator)  im trying to get out he wont let me. Eventually i get out i want to get downstairs to get out but he wont let me he pushes me numerous times on to the kids beds. He’s shouting im going to stab u. I scream out the window help. He runs downstairs says bye to the kids give them my phone and drives off. I call the police. Half an hr goes by no sign of police. Then my partner arrives back. (Detail removed by moderator)  The police say tell him to wait outside. He does Eventually. Police come he’s taken away. I tell them everything. About the mental abuse that has been going on for years etc.

I was upset after they left confused felt scared lonely kind of free worried about the future. Rushing around like a looney cos it was late my kids needed to get to bed. What a traumatic day for them.

Anyway ive just had a phone call. He’s been released without charge. He’s coming home.??????? I cant quite believe it. They said he denied threatening to stab me. They said he pushed me in self defense. They basically made out we’re both to Blame. I was even told to get hhis clothes ready for him when he gets back. What??? I could not believe what i was hearing. I did not know what to say. I feel betrayed by the police. Let down. They didnt believe me. They believed him. It even sounded like they felt sorry for him. They must have feel for his sob sorry. Yes he’s sorry now like always. But will he do it again. Of course.

In complete shock.

[Racoon]

Omg….so sorry to hear this. I don’t know what to say. Other than to speak to someone on the domestic violence team at the police as soon as it’s safe to do complain about how you were handled. Call the women’s aid helpline too.

[Anonymous]

Are you able to go elsewhere asap? Somewhere safe family or friends. I hope you are safe now and please do not hesitate to call the police again if needed you may feel let down but it is your right to have them there x

[Freetobethegreatest]

I went to bed. I was exhausted from the day and it was gone 11pm. Im not sure when he got back but hes gone to work now luckily. At least ill have some peace today. I feel absolutely let down by the police. They obviously didnt take me seriously. He threatened to stab me and pushed me about locks me in the bathroom but gets away with it?? And they let him home. No wonder victims dont go to the police. I understand that now. And guess what now social services will be informed. So i wish i had never ever called the police. My partner attacks me and now my kids might get taken off me because of him. I feel sick. My kids are my world. Im so worried

[Suntree]

So sorry to hear this.
Can you get hold of Women’s Aid to advice you what to do?

[KIP.]

Hi there. Get a solicitor. Most offer free advice. You should be able to get a non molestation order through the courts to keep him out the house and away from you. Using this incident. Ring the helpline on here or a solicitor. Or google ‘rights for women’ who offer free legal advice. Always ask for domestic abuse unit when speaking to the police.

[Lisa]

Hi Freetobethegreatest,

I’m so sorry to read how abusive your partner has been to you and the extremely disappointing response from the police. Please remember that you absolutely did the right thing by calling them as the incident you explained was serious domestic abuse, it sounds like your partner is escalating his abuse.
As mentioned above, you could consider contacting the police on 101 and ask to speak to a specialist in the domestic abuse unit about this.

With regards to children’s services becoming involved; I acknowledge that this is can be scary, but it can also be helpful as well. You will not have your children taken away because of this incident. If a social worker does contact you, I suggest that you are completely honest about what happened, and you ask what help they can offer you. Whilst the abuse is 100% his fault, you do have a responsibility to safeguard your children from it, and a social worker will want to see that you recognise there is a risk.

I understand from your previous post that you would prefer to stay in your property. However what sometimes becomes necessary is to leave temporarily, either to a refuge, or to family or friend’s if you have that option. This would mean you are safe and would give you time and head space to take the next steps. Whilst you are out of the property you could try to get an occupation order and non-molestation order in place with the hope of returning safely.

Keep posting, we are all here for you.

Lisa

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

I know we all dread social; services getting involved but maybe they can help him getting removed from the house, see if u can apply for a occupation order fro him to be removed and u stay in house with kids

[Freetobethegreatest]

Hello

Thank you for all the replies

Im a bit confused by it all to be honest. Not sure what to think. Thought he would be at work all day and would get some peace but he turned up home about (detail removed by moderator) i was shocked he told his work he was ill. Havent heard from social services yet. Dont know if i defintley will??? Very worried anyway. I regret calling the police completely. I would be beating black and Blue than have my kids taken off me. They are my world. Im still shocked at the police. Im not really surprised should have known they wouldnt take it seriously. Only out come from it is that social services have been told. Brilliant :(. I dont know what to say if they contact me. One half of me think “if he is still living in the property will they take my kids off me?” then the other half thinks “if i tell them the truth about the abuse will that mean they take my kids off me?” should i just brush it under the carpet pretend everything is ok?? Or be honest? I have no idea. Im really confused.

[unicornsarelovely]

What ever you do, don’t put up with it. Like the others have said speak to women’s aid and get a solicitor. You can get emergency occupancy orders and non-molestation orders. What he did was wrong full stop, and your children witnessing it is also abuse. I’m sorry the police dealt with it terribly but I have very little faith in the police personally, however the fact that you have logged it means you have evidence of both physical and controlling violence, so you should be able to get legal aid. If you can move to a family member or friend do so for a few days until you get the orders in place, plus you need the support. Please keep us up to date with your progress. Your not alone!!!

[pink rose]

Hi,
I would go to see a Solicitor who specialises in domestic violence, I found them to be very good. I know quite a lot about family law now after my divorce. Your solicitor can apply for An Occupation Order which means that he will have to leave the family home ( if that’s what you want?) and a non molestation order preventing him coming anywhere near you or contacting you. You can also go to the courts, complete the forms yourself and represent yourself, I did this and it was free

[Freetobethegreatest]

Hey

I have been trying my hardest to keep things calm and trying my hardest to ignore his behaviour. Because of social services. I need everything to be calm incase they just turn up. I dont know if they will. I havent heard from them yet. I havent forgotton what he did but i would do anything for my kids.

I also feel completely let down by the police. I told them everything. I had to have alot of courage for that. I really thought he would ok not be allowed back but as u know he was allowed back. The police did nothing. I have lost any condifence in anything. I havent got the energy or condifence to go to a solicitor or court. I thought i did the right thing telling the police but its all just got thrown back in my face.

Worse thing is he’s now booked like (detail removed by Moderator) days off work to “sort himself out” for me this is absolute hell. When he’s at work its all calm everything is happy peaceful etc when he’s off work it is hell. His (detail removed by Moderator) day off today to apparently “sort himself out” whats he done? Woke up about (detail removed by Moderator) ive done everything but my eldest was eating a (detail removed by Moderator) biscuit. He was hungry and Yes fruit would have been better but its not the end of the world. Of course first thing he does when he wakes up have a go at me cos i gave my kid a biscuit. Doesnt matter that ive done everything else. And its just been never ending since moaning about this, critising that, having a go at me etc he’s been going on about the (detail removed by Moderator) i bought non stop apparently i bought the wrong type. Its funny how sorry he was the day after the police came didnt take him long to get back to his old self. Hell never change. Im gonna be absolutely exhausted after these (detail removed by Moderator) days mentally. I am already its only been (detail removed by Moderator) day. It is so draining living with someone like this. 🙁

[KIP.]

Hi there. The police can only do so much. They have to abide by the law. That’s why it’s upto you to get a non molestation order through the court to keep him out. This recent incident where you rang them will help your case. Your local women’s aid can help with this. While your head space is tied up trying to out think the next abusive outburst, there is no head space to think clearly. He’s taken time off to make sure you don’t leave and to keep an eye on you. Now he knows you won’t take it any further. His behaviour will only escalate. Can you get a friend or family member to help with the non molestation order? The biscuit episode is typical abuser behaviour. Always changing the goal posts to keep you on edge, divert attention from his dysfunctional behaviour. Your kids will sense this too. You need help. Keep posting X

[Freetobethegreatest]

The police said the reason they let him go is because they have to think if this went to court would he get charged. And apparently they thought it was highly unlikely thats why they let him go. So surely a court wont give him a occupation order?

Thank you for your comments its nice to have someone to talk to. I have no friends and my Family doesnt know anything.

[Ayanna]

That was totally awful by the police. It is hard for me to digest this.

But… see social services as a chance.
They cannot take the kids away from you just like that. You have done nothing wrong.

Tell social services the truth. Tell them that the police let you down and you need a safe place to live with the kids.
They can help you to either move somewhere else or get rid of the man.
Tell them that they must help you because you want to protect your kids.
Tell them also in which way he is a danger to the kids. Do not protect him.

Make them understand that he needs to be removed from where you and the kids are for all of your safety. They have a duty of care and legal requirements to help you.
Do not be afraid of them.
Approach them as someone who seeks their help for a life in safety and freedom from abuse.

Keep posting!

[KIP.]

An occupation order comes from the civil court where the burden of proof is much less than in the criminal courts. Go for it X

[Bluelines]

My ex threatened me with social services for a year. held it over me like a weapon.

When they finally rung I broke down and told them everything .
I have non-molestaion order against him (for less than what you went through btw) > i was terrified of loosing my kids and scared I wasnt a perfect mother
They dismissed his complaint it in 5 minutes. an said it was clear he was using them to harrass me.

I know its so so hard but have faith . they are used to this type of personality and will see though it

CAll NCDV they can help you write a statement for free and if you are eligible provide legal assistance to get protection (non-mol or occupation order) 0800 9702070

dont worry about the police this time, its hit and miss whether you get a good officer but log every single abusive event he does with them via 101. Or go back to them Im my experience They are nice on the phone and helpful and will help your case and call them again if you need them. ask for their victim support or domestic violence unit and then you may get someone sensible

Please stay strong and dont give up

[Author]

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