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    • #148085
      Confusedyetclear
      Participant

      I feel saddened and shocked at the police response to my bid for support. Having expressed all the verbal put downs, racial comments and general control I have experienced alongside a previous sexual incident where I did not feel strong enough to proceed….I was informed by police that she felt I was worrying over things that may never happen in regards to my pregnancy. This man has made jokes about leaving with my baby and called me beyond derogatory names just for being me. He has become full of rage for simple things and tried to control parts of me whilst living a double life and manipulating me along the way. I hoped the police would consider what I have experienced for years as abuse but she totally dismissed what I had said and advised that she couldn’t understand why I would have made a baby.my concerns for my baby were not even considered. I feel so saddened and disbelieved. I understand my examples of what I deemed abuse were verbal and mostly not physical however it is as damaging … I just wanted to say to anyone who has experienced this… Don’t give up and keep fighting x

    • #148086
      Stuck in The mud
      Participant

      I had this experience for many years , the police came once and said we just had a row even though I had smashed windows & tv they left with no help for me ! it stopped me reporting incidents and obviously many more happened because my abuser witnessed the police not getting involved ! It took me to say enough is enough after I was kicked by him I called the police , he was arrested but not charged but a young police officer put me in contact with womens aid and I gained non molestation and occupancy orders .The police officer also apologised for all the times I didn’t get help and had to live with the daily abuse for many years . Please don’t remain trapped in a situation like I did , protect yourself now x

      • #148104
        Confusedyetclear
        Participant

        This makes me sad. I really believed the police and legal system were there to protect people but I definitely doesn’t feel that way. I don’t think they realised the impact it had on me. I worked so hard to accept I wasn’t imagining his nasty ways and in one short interview I feel like she has taken me back to a place where I am questioning yet again if I’m being dramatic and sensitive.
        I’m sorry it took him hurting you physically for them to even think about listening xx

    • #148113
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Confusedyetclear, you are so right, non-physical abuse is serious and damaging. I’m so sorry that you had this response when going to the police for help. It’s wrong that you were made to feel dismissed and that any comments or judgments were made about your decision to have a baby. We should expect better from the police, domestic abuse should always be taken seriously and concerns should be addressed.

      Stuck in The mud, it shouldn’t have taken a physical assault for the police to pay attention to your situation. I’m glad that you eventually received an appropriate response and apology from the police officer dealing with the case.

      I know that women do have positive experiences reporting non-physical abuse, particularly when engaging with officers who have had training on domestic abuse or who are part of dedicated domestic abuse teams. Most local domestic abuse services have advocates whose job it is to help with communicating with other agencies, such as the police, so reaching out to these is an option if you’re not getting the response that you deserve.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #148130
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Confusedyetclear

      I’m so saddened to hear of your experiences with the police. There is still so much to be done. I do wonder how much training the average bobby gets on DV. I suspect its very little if any at all.

      To report takes so much courage and women deserve to be treated properly when they do report.

      Unfortunately, reactions from police like the ones you have described have a 2 fold affect. They discourage other women from reporting and they empower the abuser.

      I really wish that someone would compile all of these posts and hand them to the head of every police force in the country. Sadly, I doubt that will happen.

      Awareness of these ongoing issues needs to be raised and it needs to be done quickly.

      • #148139
        Confusedyetclear
        Participant

        Hi eggshells…I totally agree ! I makes me want to become a police officer and try to fight to change the system lol but…I’m fantasizing. It really does have an impact and for me personally made me doubt if he was an abuser at all…I mean if the police feel I was not showing signs of abuse then they must be right. Luckily I have a close support network who reminded me of the things that have happened and it has kicked me back into not doubting myself so much. I hate to think of how many women feel this way after seeking support and then feel it’s pointless to reach out again. Xx

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