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What happens after you have spoken to police?
I phoned them after an argument as I wasn’t sure how OH would react once my mum left. I thought we would have a quick chat over the phone and it would be logged.
I met up with them at the station and talked in total for around an hour. We talk about that weekend and other episodes. I handed over my ‘story’ (currently 16 pages long). She said she will talk with her sergeant about what the next steps should be. She said they will lickly talk to him. And talked about me reporting it and doing a statement.
Now I’m scared, doubting myself that things were that bad, thinking I’m making more of it then it really is.
I told them I have no idea what I want to do, part of me is scared and part of me is telling at me to do it.
I asked for them to phone me before they make contact with him, so I know its going to happen, she also talk about someone coming over, or me staying somewhere. She understands it difficult with kids.Did I really do the right thing, or have I kicked the hornet nest?
To add I have made it clear that we are over, he is still being helpful at home, and wants to make it better.
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When I reported my ex to the police for the first time I didn’t make a statement and nothing more was done. After he had me arrested for something that didn’t happen I was strongly advised to make a statement which I duly did. I asked them not to speak to him as I was terrified of what he would think of next. During the following time I was afraid enough to report him to the police several more times. Eventually they stormed the house and told me I had to find my toothbrush and spend the night with friends. I added to my first statement and it was only then that they told me that they would have to speak to him. It was a long time coming.
The relationship with my ex had been dead in the water for so long.
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Nothing was done by the police to him when I begged for help from them,absolutely nothing, and despite being terrified of the consequences of that just as you described, they did nothing.
Being terrified of the fallout from him for calling him on his behaviour to the police is proof enough frankly of what’s going on.
It’s such a complicated and conflicted time but it sounds like they are taking action against him. Keep yourself safe, ideally away from him as this is a very volatile sit’n now.
Keep safe and warmest wishes ts
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When I finished with my partner I made a statement regarding the abuse, it took the police (Detail removed by Moderator) to go down and see him and in that time he was harassing me through random phone calls and messages off different phones. After the police seen him he still sent me a message (Detail removed by Moderator) later, I informed the police and they just reported it. Not the best but I’m just glad I am not in his life anymore. Good luck to you x
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I received a phone call from the police officer yesterday.
she said she spoke to her Sargent and they have agreed that it will be class as a ‘non criminal domestic incident’ (or something like that) this means they wont be talking to him as I had shown concern over his reaction. But everything I said has been logged and recorded. she told me that any time I feel threaten to ring 999 and a unit will come out to me. then hopefully they will be able to do something/talk to him.
I feel a little relieved that they are not talking to him, but I had been going over what I would do/say to him if they did.
now I have got to find the strength to ring 999 if needed. I have only phoned 999 twice in my life and both times for an ambulance. I just feel like I’m wasting there time.
we are fully in that honeymoon period where he is being nice and helpful and keeping his distance. but instead of it winning me over I just think that this is what he should of been doing all the time, and if he can do it know why cant he do it all the time? justifying how I feel. -
Well done LookingForAnswers. If you are afraid but not in immediate danger you can call 101 and ask to meet the police at a safe place away from your home. You should not be living in fear. Not ever. My ex is now at least known to the police. It is so important to be believed after being so ground down.
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I have called the police and they came and talked to him. He was talking very calmly and reasonably (how he can when he need), and the police officer who talked to him was absolutely satisfied.
However, once they left, he started to talk in a different way of course. Told, that this is my fault I called the police and showed him in a bad way to them and to the neighbours. That there was no reason to call them. That he JUST pushed me with ONE finger )))
They are so good actors, they can play their roles so good, everyone will believe them.
But actually this was the best thing I’ve done. At least he knows I will do it again. Even on holidays, in a different country, he started to be aggressive to me, I told him – Do you really think I will not call the police here as well? He calmed down in a second! They can control themselves, this is not anger they feel, they are playing the role! -
The ‘honeymoon’ period is another part of the abuse and is coercive, it is designed to coerce you back into that false sense of security, and it works!
I can’t count the times I’ve been hoovered up again, that he really is a nice bloke and each time there was a reason for him not repeating a particular thing like his drinking, being a b*****d, scaring the kids, and then would come massive bunches of flowers, a holiday, a shiny new laptop, new phone, and new him, until his coercion worked then bam, bang, crack, slam Mr nasty was back to his old tricks until he turned into Mr smooth , caring, kind, loving and all the promises of turni g new leaves, realising what he’d done, blah, blah, blah.
All of the did untokd damage to me that I now think I will never recover from because I lived it for so many years.
Felt so stupid for so long falling for it over as over, but its not stupid, it works that’s why.
Warmest wishes to you both.
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Screaming…and more screaming is how you end up!!
Tbh I think he would have not the tiniest bit motivation with his feet well under your table and his servants at his beck and call, what’s he got to leave for?.. He thinks he can keep hoovering you up till he feels its time for some more raging to make sure you know who’s boss.
If you get chance to log some of this stuff with police I’d encourage you to.
You will do this in your time when you feel ready. This is all about you and your life now.
Just make sure those orders are place so he can’t come back after, as that’s where our trouble got worse as I didn’t think he would react as he did. Thought I knew him, hmmm
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