26th August 2022 at 10:50 am #149005SnoopySocksParticipant
A few after an abusive relationship I finally reported to the police. I didn’t expect the perpetrator to go to jail, but did expect an investigation. The abuse occurred in a different county to the one I reported in.
When I reported the abuse the police couldn’t have been more helpful. They confirmed a crime had been committed in writing and collected my phone and downloaded my social media records for an investigation.
But then my case got passed on to police in a different county. They sat on it for (removed by moderator) months and then declared no crime had been committed and they would not investigate. They said I didn’t fight back, could have left and if I knew what real abuse was like I wouldn’t have reported.
I was so ashamed I didn’t tell anyone for months. It’s caused a major block in recovery because I now don’t know what words to describe my experience. Officially nothing happened. But I can’t get past the abuse and the effect it’s had on me.
Has anyone else had similar experiences? Should I just accept what the police said or should I accept the police are fallible and were just looking to get me off their books?
A good friend advised me to complain, but I can’t do it. I don’t want anything to do with that police force ever again.
26th August 2022 at 12:25 pm #149010MarmaladeParticipant
Hi, I’m so sorry that the police were so rude to you. I don’t know anything about what happened to you so obviously can’t comment on whether it was abuse or not, but it clearly deeply affected you.
Police responses do vary. Most cases are dropped because police don’t proceed if the only evidence is “he says she says”, particularly in non physical abuse cases.
I had a terrible experience with police and yes they did make the situation worse. I had a v inexperienced officer with no knowledge of DA who wouldn’t believe me because said no one would stay in such an appalling relationship. That officer treated me with open contempt and hostility. It was like I was facing abuse from the very people I had gone to for help. In my case there was a lot of supporting evidence and I still got treated like it.
Complaining is stressful. I did but got told there was a lack of DA trained officers in my area. I think my officer must have subsequently been sent on a course though as they now know what the offences are.
On the other hand lots of ladies here have had v positive experiences with the police. I do think it depends on the force and some are better than others. The rudeness to you though sounds inexcusable.
You did your best to do what was right so you should be proud of yourself for that. You know what happened to you so hold your head high.
26th August 2022 at 3:42 pm #149029SnoopySocksParticipant
I’m sorry you had that experience but thank for sharing. In my case I just remember the DA shouting at me down the phone going “that’s not rape, that’s not rape, you didn’t fight, you could have left”. Admittedly I didn’t have any evidence and had left it too long. But I never expected a reaction like that, from what you’ve said it seems sadly more common than I realised.
I think they did agree that coercive control was apparent but they said the events happened before the law was introduced. And any assault charges were time limited.
So I don’t know. I guess it’s a case of moving on?
26th August 2022 at 7:13 pm #149041MarmaladeParticipant
That sounds awful but unfortunately I can relate to that behaviour. I had sarcasm and contempt rather than shouting but all unacceptable.
It sounds as though there is nothing really the police can do. If the rape is historic with no evidence, any coercive control predates the 2015 act and any assaults are older than 2 years then I don’t think the police can charge and probably wouldn’t even investigate as there would be no possibility of charges. It could, however, possibly be recorded so that if anyone else reported him for similar behaviour, there would be a record that allegations had previously been made against him.
The one thing you could do is complain for their rude manner. There is an official complaints procedure. It will be detailed on your force’s website. Basically in first instance I think the complaint goes to a more senior officer to look at. If you are not happy with the outcome then you can complain further.
I think you certainly deserve an apology for the attitude, but whether you would get one, or whether you would want the hassle of a complaints procedure is up to you.
Good luck. I’m sorry you had such a poor response from them.
16th November 2023 at 2:09 pm #163234IsawthelightParticipant
I reported police rudeness and behviour but was told that they would not investigate it unless they had video or voice recording proof of it. My complaint was closed without any investigation.
26th August 2022 at 12:54 pm #149014diymum@1Participant
look up the governing body of the police and complain xx your doing this to pave the way for other women too. theses men rely on us not seeing this through xx
6th November 2022 at 11:12 am #151515StrongLifeParticipant
Police did get called to my house numerous times. They were difficult- blamed me and of no help
I fled instead. Got help from others.
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