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When I reported him to the police on the day after things came to a head, I kind of knew I’d been in an abusive situation but I wasn’t sure. I phoned 101 for a bit of advice. I explained my situation and they said it sounded like a domestic incident and they would get back to me. To my surprise they phoned me back swiftly and I was asked to go in an hour or so later. I was really surprised and a bit scared as I’ve never had to deal with the police before. I was pleased that I seemed to be taken seriously so I went in. I spoke to an officer (didn’t realise that there are specialist DV teams until later) and told them the story (but looking back should have given a lot more detail). The officer called him a knob but said there was nothing to be done. No criminal offence. I was disappointed in the reaction but went away and phoned WA instead.
When I phoned WA I got confirmation that this was abusive and that this was coercive control. This was all news to me but empowering. They said they were disappointed in the police response and said to go back if I felt able.
I phoned to ask to speak to someone to discuss it further. I missed the call as I was at work. I phoned again but got no call back. I have since phoned a further time and asked to speak to someone in the DV team. I have still heard nothing. My ISVA may look into it but tbh I’m feeling a little let down by her of late because I have found that none of the university services have been giving me correct information. The women’s rep at the student union said they can investigate private relationships and was disappointed that NO ONE had told me that. My ISVA surely should have known as she has a special role to the university. Instead I feel I’ve been dissuaded. Perhaps I’m overreacting but I do feel let down. I know I’ve gone against advice with the letter etc but surely I’m still entitled to support and they should know that this can be a valid response from victims? I feel like I’m getting the message that I’m beyond help or don’t deserve or need it.
Anyway, if I am able to speak to someone eventually it seems like I’m going to be going it alone and I have no idea what to expect. Can anyone advise what is likely to happen if I do get to speak to someone to ask them to look at my case again? If they do decide to look at it what is the procedure? Would they need to collect evidence? Would they need to speak to him (I think he’s probably gone back home now)? I have so many questions and it’s all so scary that I want to be prepared and know what to expect.
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Hi BeautyMarked
I just wanted to show you some support. Sorry to hear about what you have been through, it’s understandable that you feel let down.
It’s hard to say how likely it is that police will look into your case again, it just depends on the evidence. Hopefully the police will take another statement from you in more detail and this could lead to them investigating and collecting more evidence. You could have a read of this booklet on the Rights of Women website which may answer some of your questions:
https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/ROW-%C2%AD-Legal-Guide-Coercive-control-final.pdfI wonder whether you could get in touch with your local Domestic Violence Service which is not linked to your University, and ask for an IDVA who can explain more about the reporting coercive control process and chase up the police for you.
Take care and keep posting to let us know how you are doing.
Lisa
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