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My ex has decided not to return our son to me this evening. I rang 101 to ask if they can do a welfare check and they have refused. They said I hadn’t given them a reason, and suggested I go round instead, because me going round to my abusive exs house after we have spent all day arguing via text about contact. After telling him I was taking him to court is a brilliant idea. Has anyone lse found the police so helpful.
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This is why you need more formal restraints. He’s using your child in a tug of love war with you that’s not appropriate for the welfare of the lo, and really more to do with his disempowerment of your position as an equal parent. It’s bad enough that children get passed back and forth to mollify the parent that doesn’t live in the child’s primary home but at least there could be some dependable structure so that the child isn’t on a merry go round. I have never relied on the police so I don’t know what to expect from them, except I really question how seriously agents of the law take these issues, until, of course, something happens and then they run to cover their arses. I hope your solicitor’s efforts can help you get some legally enforceable control over this situation to give you and lo some stability. It seems like you need the ‘rubber stamp’ to get a response. I hope some of the other ladies have more advice on what to do. Xx
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She was just completely unhelpful and didn’t believe me. I am going through the courts now. I don’t think his dad would hurt him but I didn’t think his dad would hurt me. I have witnessed him lose bis temper with our son and break one of his toys before I wish I had done sometbing about that at the time because I am starting to think that might be a warning sign he could harm our child. (He destroyed a lot of my possessions before and then on the night he first assaulted me).
I wish I had done so mamy things differently, I have been so blind and so stupid. -
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Hi FS, is it possible for you to stop contact? If he’s being (detail removed by Moderator) about bringing your boy back just to spite you surely that’s cause to take control? You suspect he has the capacity to be violent to your son so it is definitely worth thinking about.
Are the courts dealing with contact? OL is right that you definitely need a formalised arrangement.
I chose to withhold contact between my ex and our daughter as I the fog lifted and I could see his abuse for what it really is. I also spoke to a couple of his exes and he was the same with them. My priority is the welfare of my little one, not pandering to his needs. Children need a structure and need to know what’s going on. I’m waiting for the courts to decide if he’s fit to have contact or not.
Good luck.
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Hiya,
My children dont see their dad. You can stop contact…no one can force you to hand them over. The problwm is that if he has parental responsibility the police are limited in what they can do if the police are with him i ve been lucky with the police, but i think thats because i have an injunction and the children were previously on a child protection plan. I have been advised that if the children want contact i should get a child arrangments order. I think you need to make things formal.and legal…that will allow the police to do more if they need. The truth is you can xompletely stol contact and it would be down to him to go to court. -
I was just reading this thread and it occurred to me in the days of “equality” what is stopping the father keeping the child and telling the mother she has to go to court to get access? This would worry me. I’d rather get in there first. I think you should speak to a solicitor. Most offer free advice.
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I have a solicitor who is dealing with it. The problem with stopping contact is it would mean I couldn’t go to work and my son wouldn’t be able to go to school because there would be nothing stopping his dad from pulling him out of school. That goes for his dad as well he couldn’t stop contact because I would just collect hik from school early or his grandparents house while his dad was at work. If his dad did try that I could put a prohibitive steps motion through and my solicitor is all ready to that if needs be.
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Do the probibitive steps now. Why wait. Also you can speak to school. I did this while i sorted my injunction. School basically said he showed up at school that would call me and use every delaying tactic they could. I had social workers involved at this point. If he is messing about with contact you need to do something. As KIP says he is equally able to keep them from you. I know f rom expwrience if you do nothing people will be less willing to help. Prohibitive steps can be achieved in a day or two if its considered urgent….push them.Sorry…i dont mean this too sound bossy…just understand and have feared for my own kids.
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This is a taste of things to come. You’ve had to call the police. I would say that’s grounds to get started. If a court orders him to pick him up Sat and drop him off Sunday and he doesn’t then the police can work with you to enforce the order. I don’t want to worry you but my advice is to get it sorted through court Asap and if your solicitor is used to dealing with abusers, he should have seen this coming. Do not ever think your ex will abide by any rules, unless there are consequences. There are no rules in his world X
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As i underatand from my experience a prohibited steps order usually prohibits certain thinks eg children being taken to another county, being forced to be certain religion. In my case it was given fast because of his dual nationality and threats he made. A child arrrangments order will specify details about contact and whi has majotity of parental respnsibility etc.
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