Praying I Will find the strength one day

[Desert@orchid]

Hello
(detail removed by moderator) is my daughter’s birthday. I haven’t seen her in over (detail removed by moderator) as she lives with my ex and so does my son. It breaks my heart as he states they do not want to see me. I took her a pressie and cards over (detail removed by moderator). He came to the door. He was not rude to me but very nonchalant. I asked if she wanted to see me and he said no. I went there with my mum, and jut before I left I felt so nervous. The thought of him makes me feel so anxious and afraid. Not that he would ever be physical but more what he would say that would bring me down and how he would make me feel. I know my kids are being looked after well but it’s just their mental well-being in not having a relationship with their mum. He stated last year that they were better off without me. Just another reminder tonight that I did the right thing in leaving him as know that feeling of anxiety isn’t something someone should ever make you feel.Even the thought of him makes me anxious as I feel he has a hold over me emotionally still. Not having the kids in my life is absolutely heartbreaking. Being out of the relationship however has given me strength and enabled me to feel so much more empowered like a different person but standing at the door talking to him (detail removed by moderator) brought me back to the person I used to be. I just pray one day I won’t feel like this and will have the courage to fight

[Lisa]

Hello Desert@orchid,

Thank you for sharing this. It must be incredibly difficult having such little contact with your children. I’m so glad to hear that you are able to see the positives in the situation though, that you are feeling more empowered and assured of yourself and your decision to leave the relationship.

It sounds like you have been able to make so much progress in your recovery from the abuse, and I’m sure that one day he won’t have such power to make you feel like the person you used to be. Do be patient with yourself and remember to reflect on how far you’ve come.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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