Pregnant

[Calypso]

Hello,

I’m pregnant and in the middle of the morning sickness phase. For years, my husband has regularly blamed me for things, especially not being loving enough and attentive to his needs. This is generally code for sex, which we usually have (number removed by Moderator) times a week. But it is never enough. He’s in another mood with me because I didn’t feel like it (timeframe removed by Moderator) because of morning sickness.

When he’s in moods, he will shout and rant for hours, he will send barrage of texts and emails, and bring up old grievances and grudges. Occasionally he has been physically violent: smashing objects on the floor, shoving me, and wrestling with me. He uses our son as a pawn. He will threaten to leave home and say it’s because of Mummy. He often threatens divorce, he often brings up my past mental health issues (from before I met him) and has threatened to get me sectioned.

My husband has cancer. The treatment he is on is working, but he still has scans. He never fails to blame me for my lack of care towards him, and says if anyone knew how I treat him, they would be appalled. Sometimes I worry this is true, and cancer patients should be forgiven for their outbursts, and I have unfairly withdrawn from him when he’s in one of his moods. But I don’t see how I can deal with it other than by walking away or not speaking when I can’t escape (he will follow me around the house). I find it hard to trust and love him at other times too, and generally feel relieved whenever he goes away for a night.

I have considered leaving many times, but I worry about post-separation abuse and finances.

Thanks for reading.

[Lisa]

Hi Calypso,

Thank you for sharing with us and welcome to the forum. I hope it has helped to post on the forum to others who understand. I am sorry to hear about what you are experiencing, you are doing the right thing by reaching out for support.

There is never a valid reason for abuse to happen, you haven’t caused the abuse from your husband and you do not deserve to be treated in this way. He is choosing to act in an abusive manner rather than be respectful and supportive to you.

There is support for you, we have our Live Chat service currently available 10am-4pm Monday to Friday, the Support Workers can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. There are also local domestic abuse services who can often offer ongoing emotional and practical support to explore your options with you and help make a plan based on your circumstances.

Keep posting when you can, we are here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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