Pregnant and struggling

[xderezzedx]

So I’m new here, I left my abusive partner (detail removed by moderator) after he pushed me over and broke my ribs, I’m (detail removed by moderator) pregnant
He has denied it meaning I will have to go to court
I have so many conflicting emotions, I still love the bones of him and all I want to hear is that he is sorry and that he actually does love me, when I tell my friends this they call me an idiot but don’t realise that I’m not saying I will ever go back to him I’m just upset that I wasn’t enough, that he couldn’t love me despite how much I put into the relationship and what I put up with in order to make him happy
I’m p****d off that I have to deal with it all on my own and bring a child up at the same time and he gets to run back to mummys house to be looked after
I’m sad that he will miss the birth of his first child and possibly the first 3 years of their life if he is sentenced
I just honestly do not know how to cope with it all
I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I just don’t know what to do with myself

[hop]

I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Your friends probably don’t understand that you can still have these conflicting feelings for someone who’s done something so horrific to you. To people who haven’t been exposed to that level of abuse it’s really clear cut but it isn’t. He’s groomed you to have these feelings and (detail removed by moderator) it must be amplified a million times 💖
You’re a brave amazing woman. Don’t think about what he’s missing out. Try your best to realise in the future you’ll be glad he wasn’t their to taint your beautiful memories x*x

[KIP.]

Please contact your local women’s aid. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline too. At this time you need to take care of you and the baby. You need to force yourself to eat and drink plenty water. It’s okay to be sad, you need to grieve for the future you thought you would have. You will still have a wonderful future with your child. Abusers don’t accept responsibility. You really don’t want an abuser around your child, even if it is the father. Take advice from women’s aid about not putting his name on the birth certificate. Gather a good support network around you. I hope you and the baby are okay. Abuse often escalates around pregnancy when we are even more vulnerable. He is not your responsibility, just concentrate on you for the time being. Take things one day at a time x

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